For most of our lives we tell ourselves, and everyone else, that we have ONE best friend. We think, 'that's it, best friend spot is filled.' But then what happens when circumstances change, and that best friend isn't around all the time? You can still stay best friends, for the most part. But are you supposed to sit around and have a boring life because they went to a different college, or went to a college further away than you did? Could you really expect that of one another? No. What if that best friend turns into a total butt nugget and is no longer worthy of the friendship? Is that it, are you stuck with them forever? What if there is more than one 'best friend' in your group of friends?
We've all seen it happen, maybe in life or maybe on TV. I cannot begin to count the number of times I was watching Pretty Little Liars and one of the girls would refer to one of the others as their best friend. Yup, only one. It was used interchangeably. Now, I'm not judging, but shouldn't the phrase be 'one of my best friends' if it is a group of 4?
I'll admit that the notion of having one best friend throughout your life is a poetic notion, and maybe you are one of the rare people that it has happened for. But it just is not realistic. I'm not saying you won't have a best friend that stays the same throughout your life, but to limit yourself to only one seems a little silly.
Something I experienced when I went to college put things into perspective for me. Up until this point I was just like everyone else, using the term 'best friend' as a label that could only be applied once. I chose to go to a college that was a comfortable distance away from home (only about an hour and a half), because I still wanted to be able to come home on weekends. That way if my social life turned into a complete flop, I would not be 'stuck' where I was with no options. My best friend went to a college in Massachusetts. Now it was on the same side of the country, which was a plus, but it was still a great distance away.
A brief backstory for me and my 'home' best friend. I moved to the area when I was four years old. Too young to really have firm memories from where I used to live, but old enough to understand I was leaving friends behind. I wish I could say that Cara was the first friend I made, because it would tie our friendship into a neat little bow. But alas, Cara was not the first friend I made, but she is the one that stood by my side all these years. We met in pre-school, which was in this tiny two classroom building. Like any friendship, there were some years where we weren't as close. But then we would pull tight again. I am thrilled that our friendship has stood the test of time.
In a number of years that went by faster than possible, it was time for high school graduation and departure for college adventures. I was sad and scared, because I did not view myself as the 'popular' kind of person and believed in my heart that I might not make any friends. I fell victim to connecting with the first people I met, which was good and bad. I got a trans-continental friendship out of that (Irish exchange student), but I also got a wack job person that if I never see again will be too soon.
After those initial bumps in the road, I found my group. While a number of them are close enough to be family, I made five friends at college that I would consider to be my best friends. This effectively eliminated the one best friend theory. I'm not gonna name names, because that's not right. But what I will say is that each of them earned the place to be in that group, just as Cara did. I went through extremely hard experiences in college, and each of them came through for me in their own way. I am a big believer in 'things happen for a reason.' Agree with it or don't. I believe that every bad/horrible/difficult thing I've gone through led me to these people.
What I really want to say is that it's okay to have more than one best friend. It is definitely okay to have a best friend at home and a best friend at college and a best friend at work. You go through different things throughout your life, and the intensity of those things change. Someone that stuck with you when you lost your binky at the playground might not stick around long enough to see you pass your drivers test. But regardless of that, whether it is losing the binky or passing your drivers test, it is a big deal at the time.
I'll use my father as an example. He was one of eight children, so realistically his first best friends were his siblings. But then he grew up and started school and made his first 'real best friend' Phil. Then he made friends with the new kid at school because no one else would, because he came from another country. His name was Csaba (don't try pronouncing it, chances are you won't get it). After high school and college they got involved in their own thing. They stayed 'best friends' because that's what they always were. But they hardly see each other anymore. Fast forward to now, and my dad has many personal and professional acquaintances. He told me that a family friend that we have only known maybe a decade was his best friend. Because this friend, Mike, has put in more effort to get to know us and spend time with us. Does that mean Phil and Csaba got kicked to the curb? Heck no. It's just different.
See what I mean? If not, that's okay. Maybe that just means that you've never been lucky enough to have a best friend. Maybe that means you don't recognize what you have. Either way, lets drop that 'one best friend for life' theory.
