Marriage is a sacred bond forever tieing two souls together, or at least it's supposed to be a forever bond. One that seems harder and harder to hold on too. Today the world makes it too easy to quit, to give up, to fall out of a love so divine that captured our heart at one point in time.
I have always been an optimist, I have always believed in a love that lasts, despite the two divorces I have watched my parents go through. I know I am undeniably their daughter and even though I carry their baggage with me, it doesn't mean I am destined for a divorce of my very own.
My father told me when I first got engaged, marriage would be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. Part of me thought about all the things I have done that my father does not know about. While the pit of stomach and bottom of my heart knew he was right.
He didn't say, I couldn't do it, or I would end up alone and unhappy. He simply said it would be a challenge. Something I agree with 100%. How can I possibly know how to function in a marriage when I have not had any examples to look up to? At best, all I really know about marriage is what not to do.
As disappointing as that may sound, in a way it is hopeful for me. Knowing what not to do is just a great as knowing what you should do. I can take my past experiences and observations and use them to my advantage.
For example, if I know first hand that secrets between a husband and wife are catastrophic, then I can practice and apply the handy saying, honesty is the best policy to my own my life.
I can also lean and depend on my future husband for guidance and support as we both venture off into uncharted waters called holy matrimony. After all, that's why he is here, to love me unconditionally and to never hold against me the past I come from and the insecurities I battle.
I'm thankful for his parents, and the great example they set for us. It is reassuring to know marriage that doesn't end in divorce is an achievable goal. The decades they have spent building a life together is something you would see in the movies, but this time, it's real life.
Truth is, I probably would have been completely content never getting married. Sure, I would have missed being able to wear a big white dress and would miss the beautiful ring I have on my left hand.
However, I know that I would have been jading myself from one of the most magnificent moments in one's life, I wouldn't have just taken away my chance, I would have stolen that from my sweet fiance as well.
There will be times that I don't know what to do, and there will be occasions when I say the wrong things. I am not perfect and he knows that, but he manages to love me anyway. Because of our feelings for each other, mutual respect and compassion, I know that we will be okay.
As much as I handicap myself because of my past, I know that it's causing me to live in fear. The fear of ending up just like the other 50% of America that is divorced. The fear that I am better off not even trying.
I can't predict the future, and I can't save the world, but I can save myself from believing I am a damsel in divorce destined to be alone. I have as great of a chance as anyone to be in a marriage that flourishes and is only sanctioned by death doing us part.