How Bachelor in Paradise Reinforces That Verbal Abuse Isn't Okay

How Bachelor in Paradise Reinforces That Verbal Abuse Isn't Okay

You are more important than the person trying to bring you down.
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I've written once about the Bachelor franchise and my opinions, but rarely have I ever praised them.

On this past week's Bachelor in Paradise, they show a couple's "most heartbreaking fight."

Derek and Taylor are Bachelor nation fans' favorite because of their quick love and also because they seem to be the only couple who isn't playing games with each other (Dean).

Taylor and Derek start a discussion about their relationship. Taylor tells Derek that he's not the man she would have pictured herself with, but she really likes him, however, there are things that he needs to work on, like any relationship. Well, Derek only hears the part where she says he's not the man she would have pictured herself with and responds with "Fuck you."

Taylor is triggered by this (like actually triggered, not the new millennial definition) and it causes a riff in their relationship. Later on, viewers find out that Taylor was verbally abused in her past relationships and that type of language is a trigger for her. This issue is later resolved with Derek apologizing for crossing her boundaries and Taylor apologizing for how she phrased things.

They teach an important lesson that not enough TV shows discuss. Verbal abuse and triggers aren't a laughing matter. Language like that shouldn't be used and people need to respect other's boundaries and past experiences.

My dear, brilliant friend, Grace Sallee, recently wrote about toxic relationships. She writes that "It’s okay to walk away from toxic people. It’s okay to let go of people. It’s hard, I get that. Once you have a close connection with someone, you deal with the good and the bad, but sometimes the bad begins to harm you."

If you are like Taylor and your past relationships has verbally abused you or things have just taken a wrong turn, I want you to know that you deserve more than that. You deserve the world and someone to make you feel safe. You deserve to have a Derek who apologizes and a relationship where you can talk about triggers and boundaries.

In today's society, all people want is to fit in and feel secure. You deserve that security.

I hope you have friends that can lift you up or you believe in a God that can lift you up so that you are able to lift yourself up and take control.

You are more important than the person trying to bring you down.

(So Taylor and Derek, thank you for reminding me of an important lesson about my self-worth, the importance of feeling safe, and the importance of speaking up.)

Cover Image Credit: Wordpress

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To All The Nurses In The Making

We tell ourselves that one day it'll all pay off, but will it actually?
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I bet you’re taking a break from studying right now just to read this, aren’t you? Either at the library with friends or in your dorm room. Wherever you may be, you never get the chance to put your books down, at least that’s how it feels to most of us. It sucks feeling like you’ve chosen the hardest major in the world, especially when you see other students barely spending any time studying or doing school work. The exclamation “You’re still here!” is an all too frequent expression from fellow students after recognizing that you’ve spent 10-plus hours in the library. At first it didn’t seem so bad and you told yourself, “This isn’t so difficult, I can handle it,” but fast-forward a few months and you’re questioning if this is really what you want to do with your life.

You can’t keep track of the amount of mental breakdowns you’ve had, how much coffee you’ve consumed, or how many times you’ve called your mom to tell her that you’re dropping out. Nursing is no joke. Half the time it makes you want to go back and change your major, and the other half reminds you why you want to do this, and that is what gets you through it. The thing about being a nursing major is that despite all the difficult exams, labs and overwhelming hours of studying you do, you know that someday you might be the reason someone lives, and you can’t give up on that purpose. We all have our own reasons why we chose nursing -- everyone in your family is a nurse, it’s something you’ve always wanted to do, you’re good at it, or like me, you want to give back to what was given to you. Regardless of what your reasoning is, we all take the same classes, deal with the same professors, and we all have our moments.

I’ve found that groups of students in the same nursing program are like a big family who are unconditionally supportive of each other and offer advice when it’s needed the most. We think that every other college student around us has it so easy, but we know that is not necessarily true. Every major can prove difficult; we’re just a little harder on ourselves. Whenever you feel overwhelmed with your school work and you want to give up, give yourself a minute to imagine where you’ll be in five years -- somewhere in a hospital, taking vitals, and explaining to a patient that everything will be OK. Everything will be worth what we are going through to get to that exact moment.

Remember that the stress and worry about not getting at least a B+ on your anatomy exam is just a small blip of time in our journey; the hours and dedication suck, and it’s those moments that weed us out. Even our advisors tell us that it’s not easy, and they remind us to come up with a back-up plan. Well, I say that if you truly want to be a nurse one day, you must put in your dedication and hard work, study your ass off, stay organized, and you WILL become the nurse you’ve always wanted to be. Don’t let someone discourage you when they relent about how hard nursing is. Take it as motivation to show them that yeah, it is hard, but you know what, I made it through.

With everything you do, give 110 percent and never give up on yourself. If nursing is something that you can see yourself doing for the rest of your life, stick with it and remember the lives you will be impacting someday.

SEE ALSO: Why Nursing School Is Different Than Any Other Major

Cover Image Credit: Kaylee O'Neal

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Sorry, Real Life Doesn't Have A "Safe Space" For Your Excuses

Your excuses are invalid. Take responsibility for your actions.

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If I had a penny for every time I heard a college student use a pathetic excuse to get out of something, I would be a millionaire. It seems like every other person I meet these days has zero sense of responsibility in life. They're too sensitive, too unmotivated and just all around lazy. What's up with that?

Something that I don't think a lot of college students realize is that when this is all over, you get thrown out into the real world. You can't email your boss asking for project extensions; they will laugh in your face. You can't use "I have anxiety" as an excuse to get out of doing something. You can't get butthurt every time your boss comes down on your for not doing adequate work. That is life.

Sorry, but real life doesn't have a safe space for you. Your future employer won't baby you and hold your hand every step of the way. You won't be able to call in sick and skip work 3 times a week like you skip class. The real world has expectations and believe it or not, they are WAY more grueling than college.

People will judge you. You will get yelled at by your boss. Hard deadlines will be expected to be met. If you can't deal with it now, good luck to you out there because it only gets harder. I understand that everyone has their own issues in life, but if other people can get past theirs enough to work hard and be successful, your excuse is simply that: an excuse.

Life was never meant to be easy. The whole reason we applied to college was to be challenged and readied for our future careers. I will bet that almost every college student promised themselves they would work harder in college. Giving excuses isn't working harder, it's looking for the easy way out. The easy way might seem better in the short run, but it teaches you nothing and prepares you for nothing. Not to mention, people will get to know you as "that one moron that always has an excuse to not do their work." I don't know about everyone else, but that is the LAST way I would want to be known.

Instead of making an excuse, work harder. Be responsible. Meet deadlines, do your work early, manage your time. It really is simple when you look at it that way. Yeah, life gets stressful. Are you going to be the person who begs for their "safe space" and cries or are you going to get going and do what needs to be done? I know which person I would hire, that's for sure.

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