It is an obvious fact that in 2017, it is still taboo for men to be gay and women to be lesbians or both bisexual for that matter. And even if we are progressing as a society, historical traditions of homophobia still exist. Ironically, it's a lot stronger within the gay community, and after this one of too many conversations on Grindr, I decided to write and share my own personal experience from one of my own neck of the woods.

Now, most people never truly see the fifty shades of self-loathing when it comes to homosexuality and closeted men because Hollywood has stereotyped us as fairies who fart rainbows and piss Champaign. And yes, many gay men still fit the mold, but the problem isn't with that one individual but more so the majority of closeted men who shamelessly shame those men out of their own self-loathing and fear of being viewed at as the same way. My encounters on Grindr ended with a ghosted chat after showing a picture of my slim body or speaking to someone over the phone only to be turned down because their assumptions of my masculinity were obviously truer than who I truly am. And after a while, I stopped taking it to heart, but this last encounter on Grindr had left me speechless and more so angry for my gay brothers and sisters who have to deal with.

It started off with a "whats up" and then my chance to read the biography. I thought creepy old daddys looking for young twinks was hard to read and take seriously, but my dear faceless "bro" took the prize.

The moment this faceless guy had to explain his reasoning behind the use of the word "fag", I felt a ball of fire catching on trees within the jungle I call my heart, wishing that it were his forest of intolerance burning instead.

Honestly, at that point, I just became really bored and overall too lazy to go back and forth, so I ended it there. It had been one too many conversations like this, not even within Grindr but in real life as well and it's one too many.

My overall burden of shame and pity is not one that regards my own self, but for the likes of this guy and the majority of other men who are just as weak as him.

Many gay men and even straight men try to define manhood as being muscular and tough yet they forget one thing: Hypermasculinity is a mask and the minute you degrade someone else for not being the man you think they should be is the minute you fail at truly being a man.

And in theory, the only difference between a guy indiscretion and a queen in heels is what their closet looks like and how empty or full it may be.

Honestly, this isn't to generalize the community as a whole, and of course, every single human being has a type, but after repeated instances like these, I had to get it off my chest. It's disgusting enough that homophobia exists, but what's even more disgraceful is that homophobia is alive and well within the same community that suffers from this exact form of hatred.