The Skin I'm In
Start writing a post

The Skin I'm In

Her skin had been hurt by so many that it was no longer her own.

The Skin I'm In
Brianna Gavin

Pale white, 8 pounds 8 ounces. The skin of an angel yet to be touched and tainted by those around her. She is content because she is unaware.

The skin she is in does not begin being tainted until she is older. Between fifth and sixth grade, her twelfth year on Earth. At first, it is only her teeth that need fixed with wires and rubber bands--with that she is fine. Time moves on and the worries about the rest of her skin become all too much to "just let go".

Breakouts form clusters on her face, which she tries to tirelessly cover with potent creams that turn her face the brightest red around. As she realizes that maybe she can't fix that, her body weight becomes an issue. Suddenly the only "meal" that exists for her is once in the evening before practice.

Despite what she thinks of herself, her skin is touched and tainted, abused and ruined during this time. She won't stop until she is at the top of SOME list in her class. She needs to feel worthy of something.

Her skin is still holding on.

Seventh and eighth grade come along with more. Though her braces come off and her teeth are straight, she is still not thin enough. She eats less in the hopes that guys around her will begin showing her love. All she wants is someone there to tell her she's good enough.

Long nights after sports practices lead to more harm done to her body. She spends time in the bathroom afterwards, trying to scrub the feeling of his hands off of her skin and hoping that one day her body may feel like her own again. She obsesses over internet searches about pregnancy at her age, buying tests, and easy ways to abort.

She realizes then that her skin is no longer her own anymore.

High school brings along obsessions of covering herself with makeup while still searching for a boy to love her. Her skin still holds the secrets of things done to her...things still being done to her. Suddenly the depression takes her over and she is gone. She lost herself.

The first time she tried to harm her skin herself, she felt relief. She felt a pain that made all her emotional pain make sense.

As time went on, she began using the phrase "just one more day" to encourage her to keep moving forward. As the skin she lived in became feeling less and less like home to her, she looked for ways to escape it.

Junior and senior years of high school brought along nights of drinking and getting lost by herself. Her skin is holding on for the day when she can escape, and as one lonely October night in 2016 comes along, she attempts to leave her body behind. The police sirens woke her and despite how much she wanted to leave, others made her stay.

During her first year in college, her skin got so uncomfortable to be in that she had to begin trying to escape it once more. This time, though, she had to choose a temporary relief. Blades and glass shards from mirrors she broke herself pierced her skin with a painful screech. The crimson red proved she was still alive and still in her skin.

She tried once more to escape her skin permanently. The drops of red hopelessness left her veins and filled the space around her, just as her hands became attached to the bottles she hoped would seal her fate. Just as she attempted, she stopped herself because the phrase "keep hope alive" bleed through her mind and kept her alive just one more day.

From the moment she lost custody of her skin in her twelfth year of life, after losing her virginity to her familial rapist and her true living spirit right along with it, she believed her skin was custody of men around her. At different times during her college career, she got hurt again and again through both words and strikes to her body, by men she would never see again.

Her skin is not her home any longer. It is home to the physical, mental, and emotional abuse. It is home to her rapists' hands. It is home to the nights she starved herself, to the countless number of blades and glass shards she's punctured it with.

Though others tell her she is beautiful and worthy, she cannot believe it because the last time she felt that way was half her lifetime ago. Her skin is battered, bruised, broken.

She has lost custody of her body to those who've hurt her along the way. Though she tried to fight for it back, she grew tired of being hurt.

Pale white, 20 years old. The skin that's been touched and tainted, bruised and battered. She is paying rent for a walking apartment she doesn't like. She wonders.



Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lots of people sat on the cinema wearing 3D glasses

Ever wonder what your friend meant when they started babbling about you taking their stapler? Or how whenever you ask your friend for a favor they respond with "As You Wish?" Are you looking for new and creative ways to insult your friends?

Well, look no further. Here is a list of 70 of the most quotable movies of all time. Here you will find answers to your questions along with a multitude of other things such as; new insults for your friends, interesting characters, fantastic story lines, and of course quotes to log into your mind for future use.

Keep Reading...Show less
New Year Resolutions

It's 2024! You drank champagne, you wore funny glasses, and you watched the ball drop as you sang the night away with your best friends and family. What comes next you may ask? Sadly you will have to return to the real world full of work and school and paying bills. "Ah! But I have my New Year's Resolutions!"- you may say. But most of them are 100% complete cliches that you won't hold on to. Here is a list of those things you hear all around the world.

Keep Reading...Show less

The Ultimate Birthday: Unveiling the Perfect Day to Celebrate!

Let's be real, the day your birthday falls on could really make or break it.

​different color birthday candles on a cake
Blacksburg Children's Museum

You heard it here first: birthdays in college are some of the best days of your four years. For one day annually, you get to forget about your identity as a stressed, broke, and overworked student, and take the time to celebrate. You can throw your responsibilities for a day, use your one skip in that class you hate, receive kind cards and gifts from loved ones and just enjoy yourself.

Keep Reading...Show less

Unleash Inspiration: 15 Relatable Disney Lyrics!

Leave it to Disney to write lyrics that kids of all ages can relate to.

The 15 most inspiring Disney songs

Disney songs are some of the most relatable and inspiring songs not only because of the lovable characters who sing them, but also because of their well-written song lyrics. While some lyrics make more sense with knowledge of the movie's story line that they were written for, other Disney lyrics are very relatable and inspiring for any listener.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments