So since my last post was in September of 2018, I thought I would write out an update of my life since then.
September 2018 was when I lost a bunch of weight and I was so proud of myself. Well, guess what.. I gained all that back plus some more, but I'll get to the reasoning behind that in a minute.

I thought I had found my soulmate. I was so in love. This same man was telling me he was in love with me and even let me sit in the floor crying while I told him things I had never told anyone else before ever. His response to all of that was "I never want to hurt you like that". Well, the lie detector test determined that was a lie. My heart was broken so many times by him.. and I let him do it. The worst part was even after the last time of him destroying me I still wanted to be with him. I know, so stupid of me. *insert facepalm here*

A couple of months later I met my now husband and actual love of my life, Jonathan. He was going through a divorce and I can't tell you how many times I told him he was too ugly, too short, and that I didn't want anything to do with him. I know, I was terrible. We ended up going shopping with me and two woman that I am really close with. We went to eat at On Tap by the galleria in Birmingham afterwards. The three of us girls had quite a few shots. Jonathan took such great care of us and drove us back home to Jasper. The whole ride back home my friend and I were in the back seat singing so obnoxiously. He just laughed and rolled with it. When we got back to my friend's house and she and I got alone, she looked and me and asked "You know you like him, right?" I just looked at her in disbelief and like she was absolutely crazy. I remember sitting there saying "Uh, no I don't" over and over again. Then I sat quite for a minute, I looked at her and said "Holy crap. I do like him." I was absolutely shocked and I could not believe what I had just said.

Even after I made that discovery, I still didn't want him to know how I felt, so I still told him the same mean things. Poor Jonathan, I was so mean to him. I was scared to death to be in love with someone and to open myself back up to someone. I had been hurt so many times by so many guys I was terrified. Eventually I stopped telling him all of those things and I let him in. After that we have been inseparable and the happiest either one of us has ever been. And let me tell y'all what happens when you are truly happy, you gain all that weight back you were so happy to have lost. We are absolute best friends and I have no idea what I would do without him my life now.

It was around September 2019 that we decided to get married. We kept it to ourselves for a while, but we were so excited and sure of it. We knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

We got married on December 7, 2019.

Now we are at 10 months of being married. We have definitely had a crazy first year so far to say the least. I have changed jobs (HALLELUJAH-- I LOVE my new job). COVID-19 happened. It's just been wild.. but we are making it. We love each other and our two kids so freaking much. I can't wait for us to spend the rest of our lives together and watch our kids grow up into the amazing people they are destined to be.. and to have a sweet little baby of our own. I absolutely can't wait for that to happen!!

But yeah, that's a brief summary of what's been going on.

I am in such a better head place since the last time I have wrote a blog. I have seen a doctor about my anxiety, OCD, and depression and I have started taking medicine for that. It has helped me tremendously. Jonathan has helped me so much too by just showing me actual love and being there for me no matter what. I am truly blessed in my life. Thank God!

Y'all stick in there and see how God moves in your life. Once I actually stopped trying to run my life and gave up on trying to, God moved and blessed me with so much!