It's a brutal debate that's raged for generations. Many a friendship has literally been made or broken based on this one issue. Am I talking about tax issues? Nope. Immigration policy? Not today. I refer, of course, to the ideological war that we wage every day over the validity and merit of Hawaiian pizza. But rest easy — a solution is here.

So let's bridge this divide, cross the aisle, and let the healing begin as I finally lay to rest the question of Hawaiian pizza — in traditional Shakespearean verse.

Ode To A Flavour So Delicate

Shall I compare thee to a proud lion?

Softly majestic, yet misunderstood —

Surely I speak of pizza Hawaiian

For when else might one's dinner be so good?

Must we fight over a food divided?

And yet tied between savory and sweet

Can we not be a people united

With pineapple topping and ham for meat?

Cynics do object, in most anguished cries:

"Fruit doesn't belong on pizza!" they yell

But to the palate of the knowing wise,

No better combo in Heaven or Hell

So hear! Ye deaf, may you at long last know

Hawaiian pizza is the way to go

And there you have it. I really just laid it all out there; just let the words flow through me. I hope that finally settles this unrelenting conflict; regardless, I'm pretty proud of my work here. Some might call it my "Piece de Resistance." That's French for, "Pass the frog legs." It's a strange land.