After reviewing my article from last week, I noticed that I was blaming myself a lot for my "natural" behavior. Recently, I've been thinking about self-destructive personalities and behaviors. It turns out, self-destructive behaviors are also considered emotional dysregulation.
So I researched a little and I discovered the website Psychology Today. The article I found had information on the behaviors of dysregulation and how someone could be triggered and what one should do if they recognize this kind of behavior.
Emotional dysregulation is a short-term solution to some sort of emotional pain.
A sense of relief washes over a person after they use emotional dysregulation to cope with emotional pain/distress. The main point of this, however, is that it's a short-term solution that will end up hurting us more in the long-term.
I've always been an emotional person and that has caused me a lot of issues. What I've noticed, however, is that I was constantly bullied and invalidated growing up, specifically at school. This caused me to believe I was a weak person and it made me feel like I had to "turn off the pain/emotions," as Dr. Wupperman states in her article.
Self-destructing as a "solution" isn't really a solution. It's hiding or burying the pain until you finally explode. The intense emotions and pain bubble over and it can create a self-sabotaging episode where one attacks themselves for "feeling too much."
There is a positive to all of this, though. I can address the situation with a therapist to figure out a real solution that will affect me in the long-run. I will try not to buy into the thought of me being weak or too emotional. I can get through this, and I'm sure I will, but it's going to be hard work, but I'm in it for the long-haul.