Hey Mom, Im writing this to you on April 19th, 2021. Im writing this to you on your first birthday in heaven. Never in my life could i have imagined that we would have to celebrate a birthday without you, but i know for a fact that you would not want us down on your special day.

You were never big on your birthday, you could honestly care less. But that is just the type of person you were. Always putting others before yourself, making everyone else your top priority. I had so much respect for you because of that and i take your actions as life lessons and hope that one day i could be half the woman you were.

Waking up this morning, i was filled with a lot of emotions. Mostly sadness and anger because all i want to do is see you, hold you tight, never let go and say happy birthday to my best friend. I wanted more than ever for dad to kiss his wife on her birthday, and of course i wanted all of my brothers and sister to get the same opportunity i wished for. But the hard truth is we cannot do that anymore, which is why i choose to write.

Lately things have been setting in and seeming more real now that you are up above. Some of your stuff was sent home to us last week. I made the choice to go through some of your things, where i came across a certain sweater that you were wearing when you me and mia went out shopping. I picked up the sweater and the first thing i noticed was that beautiful lasting smell. It brought me to a place of happiness because for the first time in a long time i could smell you, which was something i i never got to do before. I held the sweater close to me for a good 30 minutes and just cried. But mom please dont get upset because they were happy tears. Being able to smell you was the best thing that has ever happened to me since you left. I felt like i was back in Vegas cuddling right beside you in the bed.

I told you i would update you on what is happening in my personal life. Not much has changed since the last time i wrote to you. I have still been going to the gym everyday, going to work, and spending my time with dad and friends. Dad actually is working at the job i am working at. He is doing a bunch of offices there and i love it because i go to check on him every hour just like you would want me to. You would be so proud of him mom. The way he has the strength to get up everyday, go to work and then come home and take care of us is beyond amazing. Sure he still has his bad days as any husband who lost the love of his life would. But when he has his good days i know it is because of you. That goes for all of us, we get by everyday from the strength you shown and have given us.

I cannot believe you would be 49 today, because you did not look a day over 40. Your beautiful brown eyes, tan skin, and pretty blonde hair really was making it hard on all the other moms to try and show you up. They never stood a chance mom, you are and will always be the most beautiful woman i have ever seen.

Today we went to your favorite place to have dinner. Mia got your favorite meal, Gnochi, and we also devoured a thing of cinnamon buns for you. I miss when you would add those to our takeout orders and make dad mad for running the bill up. It was a good dinner, we laughed and tried to make the best of it. But at the end of the day the hardest pill to swallow is that you were not here to celebrate with us. I know you would do anything to be here on earth with your children and husband, we all know so do not feel guilty that you couldn't. You fought for 8 years to give us the most normal life we could have while dealing with all of your health issues. You would have given everything to make us happy. Thank you mom.

I hope you are up there right now having a big party with Papa Mike, Papa Ed, Dana, Denise, Uncle timmy and everyone else we unfortunately had to lose to heaven. I bet it is happier up there today than it is down here. I hope you are wearing all the free people clothing in the world, with your air force ones on and your hair is your favorite updo, while you are dancing and drinking a malibu baybreeze. You may not think there is much to celebrate or no reason too. But there is mom. Celebrate the fact that you are one of a kind. Celebrate that you and dad were able to make 6 loving, healthy children who all seem to have a little bit of you in them. Celebrate that while even being sick you still got to see 3 out of your 6 children graduate. Celebrate that you were a freaking fighter. Celebrate all the good times you and jim had in vegas together. Celebrate that you were lucky enough in this world to love someone so hard and have that same person love you back just as hard or maybe even harder. But most importantly mom, celebrate you. This is your special day and no one will ever take that from you. Every year when April 19th approaches you better believe the only thing that will be thought of is you. Happy Birthday mom, i love you and miss you so much.

Sincerly

Your Baby Girl