A lot of people can't wait for 2018 to be over. This year was full of hardships. It wasn't the greatest overall. For me, it was my greatest year of growth. When I started the year, I had my entire life planned out. I was working as a paraprofessional in the Philadelphia school district, I was an education major, I was in a toxic relationship, I struggled with my weight and constantly felt "pushed to the side".
I was not prioritizing my mental health. I ended up pushing a lot of people away because I could not deal with my feelings. I was alone more often than I would like to admit, simply because I didn't feel validated. In group conversations, I tended to excuse myself because I feared that no one cared. I picked up a few odd jobs to keep myself busy after class, but I still wasn't satisfied. I wanted to contribute to my education, and with my three jobs, I still felt sub-par.
When the year ended, I dropped my odd jobs and found one consistent one. I was making good money, I was happy with my partner, but I was not happy with who I was. I suffered from severe panic attacks when I should have been enjoying my summer. Soon enough, my partner left because he did not understand me. My summer crashed and burned, I was miserable constantly and in a daze.
Soon enough, I moved into a college apartment with a few friends. I knew the change of scenery would be a positive thing, I started another job, changed my major, and developed new friendships. While I developed new friendships, I also developed a new romantic relationship.
I watched my world change towards the end of the year, and I stopped feeling so out of place. Though my classes were hard, and my hours at work were long, I felt like I was thriving. I grew closer to my friends, realizing that the "friends" I lost weren't my friends, to begin with.
In one year, I got to teach math, sell clothes, serve countless tables, lose a partner, gain a best friend, and watch myself grow. Though I only lost half of the weight that I wanted to lose, I have never felt better. My appearance didn't improve much, but my self-worth did, and that to me is my biggest accomplishment. Here's to a new year of mental health recovery, new career possibilities, and greater bonds.
