I never had the presence of a father figure in my life. I've only had my mother in my life. I've always put up a front about not having a dad. I always told people that I didn't care that he wasn't in my life. But deep down it's always something that bothered me. I see families all the time with two parents. Whether it's two moms, two dads, or a mom and a dad. I felt like there was something missing in my life.

I always thought that my family was abnormal or weird since we didn't have a dad in our life. My siblings and I didn't have two different sides of parenting. I didn't have a second parent to talk to about certain problems. I only had my mom. Don't' get me wrong though. I love my mom and I appreciate everything she does for my family. There are just some things that you want to talk to your dad about. But he wasn't around. It made me feel like my biological father didn't want me.

He tried to come into my life before but it never felt genuine. I felt that he did it out of obligation and not because he wanted to get to know me. He came in and out of my life and each time I thought things would be different. I didn't show it though. I knew that showing that I was excited that he was trying to be a part of my life would show I was vulnerable. But either way, it left me vulnerable. It's hard for me to trust anyone because of him. He's the first person to break my heart. He left me broken. I don't think I'll ever get rid of that feeling. It's something I'm always going to have to deal with. It'll affect me every day. I'll just have to learn how to deal with it.