For the past few months, I have felt like a piece of my college experience has been missing. My best friend is not on campus this year.

My best friend and I met during college orientation while being in the same orientation group. We would do everything together freshman year, like going to the dining hall for dinner or sing Twenty One Pilots at the top of our lungs. Sometimes, we would experience the most embarrassing moments together (She knows just what I am referring to haha). For my birthday the first week of school, she decorated my dorm room door to help me celebrate. We barely knew each other at that point, and she wanted to make me feel special on my first birthday away from home. We celebrated her birthday by having a nice dinner together and laughing until our stomachs hurt. That year was the best ever because of her and the fun we had. 

Fast forward to August of this school year. I get a text from her saying that she cannot come back due to personal reasons. My world was crushed. How was I going to survive the semester without my partner in crime? We literally did everything together freshman year. Was I going to be OK? I honestly did not know. 

As the semester went along, I threw myself into my classes, as well as hung out with other friends on campus. It was a tough semester, both academically and socially. However, I made it through successfully, meeting new people and challenging myself. First semester taught me that I am tougher than I think I can be, and that God has a plan for me. The song “Breathe” by Taylor Swift talks about what it feels like to not have a friend around. A part that stands out to me says:

And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to

- Taylor Swift, Fearless

This part of the song relates to me in that while being on campus without Michelle, it can be hard to “breathe” sometimes, like I cannot survive. She is my heart and soul of college. I must realize however, that Michelle has things that she needs to deal with, and I need to be comforted in knowing that she is dealing with them. I need to breathe on my own, and know that she will come back.

Christmas break comes and goes. Before break started, I got a text from my best friend about how she was going to be coming back for second semester. Needless to say, I was stoked. My brain started to imagine all of the amazing fun that would be had together.  As the days got closer for me to return to campus, I got even more excited, only to find out the day that I got back that she would not be on campus again for similar reasons. Like the time before, I was shaken up and sad. However, I knew how I would cope. 

In light of what has been going on, I have found some amazing people on campus. A new friend of mine, Bob, is so awesome. We hang out every weekend, going to dinner and school events. He helps me realize that it is all going to be ok. Even though my bestie is not on campus right now, she will forever be my Loras bestie. 

In all honesty, this year so far has been a learning experience. I am learning how to cope with situations that come out of the blue that are not fun to deal with, as well as how to better support the people I love. My best friend is everything to me, and to see her go through something so rough is heartbreaking. She does not deserve this one bit. I should be in her place instead, she should be experiencing things in the world that she so deserves to experience. I wish that I could make everything go away so that she could be happy again. I cannot even imagine what she is dealing with right now. 

Michelle, you are in my thoughts and prayers 24/7. I love you even more than you love me. That is final. We are assertive! I so know that we will see each other again.

Your bestie, 

Audrey