Last year I went on my first church retreat. That weekend was full of emotions, and when I returned home, I found myself feeling really numb. I wasn't depressed or sad or anything, but I definitely wasn't happy. Things would happen to me, both good and bad, but I didn't really react because I didn't know how. I felt like I was living outside of myself. I think that that weekend was just such a roller coaster of emotions for me, that coming down from it was a crash. And the week after that, I was more confused than I have ever been.
On September 25, 2017,my good friend Jill invited me to Younglife. I didn't really want to go at first, but I didn't have anything else to do that night and I wanted to try it out, so I went. Don't get me wrong, I had a ton of fun that night, but I didn't entirely think that I would be going back to club anymore. It was just really wild and I never really do well in social situations like that. But then, came the catalyst.
At the end of club, I got a text that set off a chain of events that put my heart where it is right now. The text said, "Miriam was murdered." Miriam was a girl who was like an older sister to me my freshman year of high school. She was someone that I met when I started JROTC. She helped me through all of it and encouraged me to keep going when I wanted to quit. I sat outside of my car, crying, and it didn't take very long for two of the YoungLife leaders, Clark and Laura, to notice.The two of them spent the next hour and helping me and being there for me in the very beginning stages of what would continue to be one of the hardest journeys that I have ever been through.
Since then, YoungLife has been important to me because it has been a way for me to be able to get away and just laugh and sing my heart out, but what has been more important has been the people that YoungLife has blessed me with the opportunity to meet. Clark and Laura have been my biggest supporters through everything. They met me when I was at my worst and still stuck with me.
Even though I didn't see it at first, everything that had happened to me in that season of my life, happened for a reason. I'm not saying that I think that Miriam dying was a part of God's plan. I know that her death was not how He wanted things to be. He knew it was coming before I did, so He put me at YoungLife that night to give me a way to handle it. People to be there for me in those moments after finding out. Me being there that night wasn't by chance. The God that knows me best, knew what I was going to need support in order to be able to grieve, and so he made sure that that was put in my life. He gave me a group of supporters to make sure that I stayed close to Him in the darkest of days. Them being in my life right now, YoungLife being in my life, isn't by chance.
I may not be able to see God's entire plan for me right now, but I know that He loves me more than anyone and He wants the best for me and while I may not be okay with everything happening, I know that He has great things in store for me. The Lord is walking right beside me through this, hurting with me and for me. God is finding amazing ways to put people in my life that will be a support system for me, and using those people to be a light in my life. He is using me to be a light to my friends that don't have the opportunities that I do. I want to be an advocate for God's word now and forever. He is using me, to spread his word, through love.
If you're going through a hard season in life, and you are feeling lost and far from God, don't lose hope. I promise you, God has a plan for you. He knows you better than anyone else and He loves you more than anyone. You may not be able to see it right now, but He is working in your life. He is there with you, watching over you, hurting with you and for you. Everything that happens, happens for a reason, and it makes you stronger in the end. You are so much more than what is happening in this season in your life.