"Wait, so you didn't grab tacos last night?"
"Haha, no. I decided not to go."
"Why?"
"I didn't want to go alone."
"You wouldn't be alone. You'd have God. And tacos!"
Little did my friend know, but that conversation became the rope that pulled me out of the deep funk I had been in for the past day. In fact, later that evening at the local Applebee's, I laughed and realized to my surprise that I had just laughed for the first time in 24 hours!
What got me? What was it that pushed me into this stink-hole anyway?
As I look back, I realize that this hole had been deepening for a while, beginning the middle of March. Then, the week after Spring Break, after desperately searching for a taco buddy, a thought entered my head.
"You are completely, and utterly alone."
Those words were the just the shove I needed to send me tumbling down.
You see, I don't mind being alone. In fact, sometimes I crave it! Despite being a non-stop chatterbox, I need my quiet space to recharge my energy! However, the feeling of isolation is different because even when I take time for myself, I know I'm not truly alone. On the other hand, the feeling of isolation sends the feeling that you're stuck in your loneliness.
To be honest, I had never felt this way so strongly before. It's a devastating feeling, a feeling that I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemies.
After almost a month, I'm joyful to say that I'm on the up-and-up! As I look back on the last four weeks, I can look back with clear vision and say that THOSE words were a thought bomb planted by Satan himself.
Satan is looking for any and every way possible to separate us and get us alone. Like a wolf separating a sheep from the rest of the herd, Satan knows that once he has us alone, we're much easier to prey upon.
As I've been fighting The Funk, I've watched in amazement how God has walked with me, step by step. Take the time I opened my Bible for the first time in months and read in my own handwriting on the cover page, "Through God's strength and grace, I am never alone." How about the time I was visiting a friend at her college and came across a poster which stated the power of fellowship when we're feeling lonely? These are just a few samples of the reminders God's been giving to me!
As I've been fighting The Funk, I've learned that my secret weapon is running after God and pursuing Him with no hold-back. Reading His word brings such peace in my life; it's a weapon I wish I had learned much earlier in my life!
One of my favorite verses during this trial has been Psalm 23:
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."
I was apprehensive to share my battle here. I was afraid of the comments I would get. "Oh Elyssa! I'm here for ya girrrrrrrrrrl!"
I'm not sharing this with you to gain sympathy. Rather, I'm sharing with you my struggles in the hopes they can help someone who's in a similar patch. As Christians, we should share both our joys and our struggles. By sharing our battles, we can learn and grow from one another!
On that note, if you're traveling through The Funk like I have been, know that this isn't the end, and that you're not alone in your alone-ness. We have tons of friends and loved ones who are holding us up, not to mention our Heavenly Father!
Now, grab your Bible, jump in your car, and go buy yourself a taco, because when we have God and tacos, we're never alone.
