As I took a heaping breath in between quiet sobs, I spoke to Jesus.
"I'm sorry I keep coming to you like this, but I'm just scared."
After some moments of really focusing on what Jesus was saying to me, I heard the Lord speak to me in a way that only He could do at 1 a.m.
"Christina, I will never get tired of you. You can come to me as many times as you want, there is no limits. Never feel bad about falling into my arms. I have you, you're going to be okay."
What a sweet, tender truth.
For a minute, I want you to visualize something. Think of God as your dad. This may seem unnatural for some, and that's okay. And if your dad isn't your most influential father figure, think of a father figure in your life that is strong and everything you would want in a father. God is like the father that stops what he's doing and runs to his little girl's room to calm her down from her nightmares, even though it happens every night.
God is like the father who always wants to hear what his son is saying to him, he wants to truly know what's going on in his life. God is the strongest father. His arms never get weak from carrying us and He never runs out of breath telling us who we are- even if we have to ask for the 100th time. No, we can't audibly hear the voice of God, but we CAN experience ultimate silence in where our thoughts become so clear and some intertwined with His, we can only hear His voice. God doesn't schedule us in His day, He is always available for us to come sit down at the table and be with him. Scared, anxious, stressed, annoyed, angry- he wants it all. Even if that means we always come to him a sobbing mess.
What Father doesn't find joy in holding his children?
God is the same way. He loves to make us feel better, to be that strong Father figure in our lives.
So friends, if you are in a place in life right now where you feel like you've sunk so low that Jesus can't possibly take you in, you're beautifully mistaken.