The majority of my high school memories are clouded by "boy problems".
From being cheated on to being publicly embarrassed to feeling down-right unlovable, I put all of my energy into finding "the one".
You don't meet the love of your life in high school. A couple people might end up with their "high school sweetheart", but I sure as hell didn't. At around 14 I convinced myself that having a boyfriend was the be-all end-all of my existence. No matter how many friends I had or how many tests I did well on, none of that was as relevant as being in love.
I think young love is adorable. It's fun and exciting and I truly am glad I got to experience it when I did. But being in love completely took over my life.
I was so worried about my significant other thought of me that I sacrificed parts of myself that I really liked. I alienated my best friends by only ever talking about MY drama and MY problems. Why was he mad at me? Was he cheating on me? They didn't have the answers and it was wrong of me to expect them to.
I stopped trying to get good grades. I spent more time in arguments and feeling anxious about the next argument we'd have than I ever spent studying.
I stopped feeling good about myself. I developed the idea that if this person didn't love me, no one was going to. Being in love mattered to me so much that I was too blind to see that what I was experiencing wasn't really love.
From a young age every movie I watched and every song I listened to seemed to be about love. It was drilled into my mind by the world around me that the main point of my time on this earth was to experience those emotions. I allowed myself to be mistreated and put into some of the worst situations I've ever been in just so I could feel like I was loved.
Love, specifically romantic love, isn't why I was put on this Earth. I'm sure one day I'll find the perfect person for me and I'll finally understand what all the fuss is about, but there's so much more to life.
After experiencing these relationships I realized my own worth. I found the things I love about myself and I found out what I want to do with my life.
To any little girl worried about finding love and keeping that love alive, stop.
The boy your with now might not be in your life a year from now, and that's really okay. You weren't put on this Earth to spend your years looking for "the one".
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