Just Because I'm A Lesbian Doesn't Mean I'm Gay For My Friends
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Just Because I'm A Lesbian Doesn't Mean I'm Gay For My Friends

An LGBT+ label ruined some of my closest friendships.

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Just Because I'm A Lesbian Doesn't Mean I'm Gay For My Friends
Sam Manns

I remember a month or so after I came out, one of my relatively close friends started distancing herself. We didn't get in a fight and she seemed very accepting when I told her I was gay. We used to get lunch together, go shopping, and have regular sleepovers but once I was out, all of that stopped. After making plans and having them fall through over and over, I finally asked her what the issue was. Her response soon became a sentence I would here way too often: "I don't want you to start liking me like that."

I was shocked. I explained to her that our relationship was strictly friendly and that through the years of me coming to terms with who I was, I never once had feelings for her. But her uneducated, ignorant mind was made. And I lost a friend that day.

"I don't want to sleep in the same bed when we have sleepovers."

"My boyfriend doesn't want me hanging out with you."

"I don't want to change in front of you anymore."

"I'm scared you'll develop a crush on me."

"I don't like girls. You know that, right?"

These are just some examples of the reasons my friends have chosen to de-friend me. They were worried I would "fall" for them all of a sudden, not knowing that I had been a lesbian the entire time we were friends. Not knowing that I never had and never planned on staring that them while they changed. Not knowing that just because someone is gay, doesn't mean they are attracted to every member of the same sex. Not knowing that my now public sexuality changes absolutely nothing about our friendship and more importantly, who I am as a person.

I am a lesbian. I am a girl who likes girls. Am I girl who likes every girl I see? Of course not. If I was straight, you wouldn't assume that I liked every male I came in contact with. Do I stare at every pair of boobs that come my way? Definitely not. Is it hard for me to control myself when I have sleepovers with my friends that are girls? No! My sexuality has nothing to do with my ability to control myself. You don't see straight girls jumping every boy that walks in the room.

The mindset of my "ex" friends is the same mindset that people have when they say LGBT+ couples shouldn't have or adopt kids. It is the same mindset of those who believe transgendered individuals are pedophiles and rapists. It is the same mindset of those who believe that being LGBT+ automatically diminishes your character and morals. It is hurtful, stereotypical, ignorant, and wrong. And it is sad that I lost friends over who I chose to love.

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