To the Girl Who Isn't Who She Used to Be

Over the past few months I've been hearing "I miss the old you" or "I don't know who you are anymore" and "you started doing things that shocked me." I heard these things from people who I used to call my best friends. I've been told I "act like I owe the world nothing" and that " a lot of my problems are first world rich girl problems" and to be honest at first I was extremely hurt that someone I once called my best friend would say something like this. When I originally read it, I was sitting in my sorority lounge with a few of my sisters and I actually left the room and went to a study lounge and cried for a while. It wasn't until my best friend, and sister, came out to see what was wrong that I calmed down. For the next few days/weeks, I continued to get upset over this, but then I started to think.

"I don't know who you are anymore."

You're right, you don't. In high school I was extremely shy and often kept to myself. You wouldn't think that of someone who was in student council, national honors society, choir, marching band and jazz band, played tennis, was in the plays and musicals, and yearbook, but I was. I didn't have many friends and I often felt like people didn't know who I was, despite being involved in so much. I rarely talked to people that I wasn't friends with unless I absolutely had to and those conversation were usually quite awkward.

Junior year I got to be a part of the Distinguished Young Women program. I think this is when I started to change. During the program you learn a lot about yourself and grow as an individual. Then, summer between my junior and senior year, I had the privilege of being a part of the People to People student ambassador program and got to go to Greece and Italy. During this trip, I had to do a lot that was out of my comfort zone. I had to interact with so many people that I did not know. This was just the being of when I started to gain more confidence.

When I got to college, you are absolutely right. I changed and continued to gain that confidence. One of the best moments of my life was seeing that I had made concert choir. My schools concert choir is held to a high standard. They have performed at Carnegie Hall several times, toured Europe and won many awards. I auditioned thinking I wasn't good enough to make it and then I did. Being a part of that choir I learned a lot and got to experience so much that I am forever thankful for.

A few weeks into my first semester I decided to go to sorority recruitment. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but it ended up being one of the best decisions of my life. I have changed so much since joining a sorority (you can even ask my sisters who knew me then and now) and I wouldn't change that for the world. I am so much more confident since being in a sorority. I am able to talk to people that I don't know and it not be awkward. I have had so many leadership positions and even gotten to go to St Louis for a training in which I learned a lot that will help me in life and not just in my sorority.

Confrontation used to scare me. I would avoid it at all cause. Although I'm still not the best at confrontation, I am getting better at it. I have learned to not let people toss me around and am working towards being able to tell those people how I feel.

But you are right. You don't know who I am anymore, and I don't know who you are because we stopped talking. Most of the time it seemed like you only messaged me when you needed help with something.

"You started doing things that shocked me"

Yes, I go to parties. Yes, I like to have fun. Yes, sometimes I might do things that come as a shock, but that's a very small part of who I am now. These are a way for me to unwind or destress and let loose a little. But I can guarantee that this isn't the first thing on my mind. All of my assignments are done. I still do extremely well in all of my classes. School and work still come first. If I have an assignment due, that's what I'll be working on. I am always safe and careful.

"Acts like she owes the world nothing"

Now, this one stumped me. I don't know what you mean. I have been helping others as long as I can remember and that hasn't changed. When I was younger I held food drives and took everything collected to the local food bank. I volunteer and help out with Make-a-Wish events whenever I get the chance. Philanthropy is a huge part of being in a sorority, and I don't do it just because I have to. I do it because I want to and I enjoy helping others. Not only do I attend and work my chapters events, but I also try to go and support as many other organizations events as I can.

"Many of this girls problems are first world rich girl problems"

Maybe from your point of view, they are. We don't really talk much anymore and certainly not like we used to. I'm not going to go into a lot of details, but a lot has changed in the past few years.

So yes, I have changed, but I am proud of who I am today and with all I have accomplished. I have the best friends beside me. They are so supportive of everything I do, something that looking back, I can't really say about my high school friends. I know I can always count on my sisters, and especially on my best friend. I finally feel like I have people who care about me and I have never had that feeling before. I always had people who I called my best friend and that changed throughout the years, but I never considered them my people. Now, I have my people, a few best friends, and amazing sisters. I finally have a family and I wouldn't change that for anything.

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