I've never understood some men's response to the question: "Did she say no?". The response, "Well, she did, but I don't feel like she meant it," always makes me cringe. And I'm not just referring to situations that involve sexual assault or rape, I'm talking in general. Some men really have trouble accepting "no" from women. Not only that, but society often makes it seem that men have every right to reject the notion that some women just may not agree to their terms.
I usually shy away from writing about celebrity "news" but, as an example, let's refer to this incident between KeKe Palmer and Trey Songz. Trey and feature artists have released a video in which KeKe appears. Problem is, she says she never consented to the cameo. In fact, she posted saying she was so anxious about being filmed that she hid in the closet. Of course, Trey tells a different story, saying KeKe knew she was being filmed.
See KeKe's original post here: https://www.instagram.com/p/BPjBn4cjOSF/.
See Trey's response here: https://twitter.com/TreySongz/status/8230009731864...
Honestly, it's not the incident itself that astounds me; it's the backlash KeKe is getting for speaking out. Namely, the backlash she is receiving from other women. In the midst of us celebrating solidarity during the #WomensMarch, many women took to their social media to say that KeKe was being overly dramatic, or flat out, that she needed to shut up. Some even suggested that she's trying to vilify Trey, and that she should have just called him privately. To this, KeKe said that the video isn't private, so her response shouldn't have to to be either. All I could think is: Why is this woman having to explain herself again?
Ladies, more than often, we are expected to keep our mouths shut when we feel we've been wronged, especially if the man in question is well-liked or well-respected. However, in cases like this one, try to put yourself in your sister's place. If you were vocal about being uncomfortable, would you be okay if someone went against your wishes? Wouldn't it make the situation even more hurtful if that someone was a friend of yours?
Now, if you have remained silent in a similar situation, and you feel good about your decision, great! I do understand why you may have chosen that route. But, guess what: that was YOUR decision. Those were YOUR feelings. Let's try to be respectful of the decision other women make for themselves. Let's not fall into what the media often masks as "dramatic" or "angry". When you feel the need to speak up for yourself, do so! I promise you it's okay. Because, if you consider all the stipulations put on women's agency, there may never be a "right" time to say no.
