I remember when I was younger having my life planned out. Every single detail was planned out in my mind, including what my living room was going to look like in my first apartment. I had this insane fantasy of being able to have my own place by the time I graduated high school, well that clearly didn't work out as planned.
Everything that has happened within the past four years threw me the biggest curveball I could ever imagine. Now being 20 and entering my senior year of college, I have come to the biggest realization: I have no clue what the f*ck I am doing with my future.
Every mental plan I try to make just continues to get derailed by constant road blocks my life decides to throw right at me. When I think I am heading in the right direction to achieve a certain goal I had, I just keep getting setback constantly. It's beyond frustrating when you want your life to head in a certain direction, but it continues to lead you elsewhere.
Then you may think to yourself, "maybe this is where I am supposed to be heading". While this may be true, it causes me an immense amount of frustration because I am the kind of person who likes a plan (especially when it comes to my own future). I guess at some point you just have to go with the flow and enjoy all the experiences that come your way.
I think what gets to me the most is the stress and anxiety of not knowing exactly what is going to happen to me in the future. People continuously tell me to just relax and take deep breaths, but it's not all that simple for me. I want certainty that the people that are in my life right now will be in my life in the next five years, I want certainty that I will get my dream job as a writer, and I want certainty that I will be able to live a comfortable life on my own within the next few years. Unfortunately, life cannot give me that certainty that I am looking for.
Learning to deal with whatever challenges come your way is something that will help you out in the long run. If you are anything like me and feel this intense urge to plan out every single detail of your future, just stop before it drives you insane. It's always good to have some type of plan, but it's not good to obsess over it and when life doesn't go as planned you tend to have a meltdown about it. I think my biggest lesson I will have to learn is to let things happen naturally and my future will be whatever direction my life decides to take it.
