Girl Code: Friendship

Girl Code: Friendship

“I’ll think about it” is a definite “No”.
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Welcome to the fourth installment of my “Let’s Talk About” series. Today, we tackle the unspoken rule book of “Girl Code”. For those who do not know what “Girl Code” is, it is, in my opinion, one of New York Times best-unpublished novels. Amongst each group, there are these universal agreements on how each one in the group should handle and act in certain situations. For example, we do not date each other's exes. That’s obvious. There is something that’s really been bothering me lately. It seems that some of my friends can’t keep the universal agreements that come with our friendship.

When I was in high school when I saw my friends hanging out without me on social media I honestly thought that my life was going to end. I wondered if it was something I said or did. Why doesn’t anyone like me blah blah blah. Now, three years later and a circle so small that I’m about to start talking to myself this doesn’t bother me.

BUT! To those people, I still talk to and hang out with, even if I’m busy, still invite me. Even if I have to work, still invite me. I probably will reply with an “I’ll think about it” which is a definite “No” in girl language but still, I appreciate being asked. This is a spoken unspoken rule of Girl Code. Who knows. I probably sti- nope I still have work.

With every friendship I expect honesty. What we are not going to do is let me walk around with a mop head as a wig on my head. It took my Mom to tell me that I looked like an extra Jackson family member. The next time I try to squeeze in a size large pair of shorts when I normally wear an extra-large, have the decency to stop me.

No one wants an uncooked busted can of Pillsbury biscuits. Lastly, be there when I need someone to talk to. Friendship comes with communication. When I call, I expect you to answer right away. Even if you can’t pick up, let me know why. Being friends with me is like being in a relationship.

I’m super clingy. I understand that life is busy and we won’t be able to see each other for a while. We can schedule follow-up appointments with openings six months from now. Let’s start treating our friendship like routine checkups.










Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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Losing A Grandparent Changed My Life

Live for them, and give them a legacy to be proud of.
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Death isn’t what the average 20-something thinks about every day. You don’t think it will happen to you, or the people around you. You know that it exists because you see heart-wrenching reports on the news daily of another life lost to ignorance or hate.

Yes, losing a grandparent definitely changes your life. For some of us, it's a drastic change. To others: they knew it was coming. Still, some weren't even close to their grandparents because they lived too far away from each other to build a relationship in person.

I can't even fathom that considering both of my grandparents lived a city away from me or across town. They are your second set of parents and the love you've had for your entire life. They are the lessons learned and the ones holding your hand through it all.

When my grandfather died (affectionately known to me as Papa), my life changed. I watched him take his last breath in the hospital alone. I called my mother to tell her that her father died. In that moment: my emotionally sheltered life was torn apart. In that moment: I had to grow up. The person I had leaned on my entire life was gone.

I literally reconsidered everything I had done in my life in a matter of hours. I thought about college, finally graduating and walking across that stage: cords swinging and my tassel hanging there. That was his biggest dream for me, we were only a year away from it when he left this earth.

When a grandparent passes they take a part of you: big or small. When you were younger you planned out life with them. You shared your dreams with them, your insecurities, your childish ways and most of all you shared your love.

They, in turn, taught you lessons about life, helped you realize those dreams, and never let you go without being told you were loved every single time they saw you. They are the suppliers of happiness, security, and laughs. Friends come and go, but your family stays with you forever.

The bottom line is: most everyone knows what it's like to lose a grandparent. We all cope differently, and leaning on others is the best way to keep yourself up. Facing the reality of death is the only way we can accept it and move on. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting, it means understanding. We were lucky enough to have these amazing people to guide us through our younger years, teaching us these vital lessons.

I can't tell you how many times a day I wish I had my papa back. Learning to cope without them is the hardest part, even years later. Grandparents prepare you for life's greatest gains. Little did they know they would be their grandchildren's biggest loss. Live for them, and give them a legacy to be proud of.

Cover Image Credit: Author's photo

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5 Times Your Depression Is Likely To Make You A Terrible Roommate

Mental health is the biggest factor sometimes into one's actions. Watching this happen to someone you love or even yourself can be depressing.

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Over the past few months, I've noticed that depression really sucks. Of course, everyone knows that. I didn't really realize that having serious depression would affect the people around me until my roommates and some friends started getting frustrated by my actions. Once I was confronted, I started seeing everything that I was doing, and it's truly awful and if I were in my roommate's shoes, I would be irritated as well.

1. When you stop acknowledging their presence

Whenever my roommates would come home, I don't even notice. I don't say hi and I don't even talk when they talk to me. I focus on what I'm doing. My energy is too gone to make idle conversation.

2. When you stop cleaning up after yourself

I leave my shoes everywhere, that's my big mess. I have a million shoes and I leave them everywhere. I don't pick up after my dog when she leaves her toys everywhere. My dirty dishes pile up where I leave them. The list goes on.

3. You don't take care of your own room

This is one of the biggest tells in depression. I'm not usually very messy. I'm messy but I always clean up after myself. Now, it takes me weeks to even attempt to straighten up my room. It also ends up getting dirtier within a few hours because I'm careless with my things.

4. You don't take care of yourself and it shows

Making myself look decent has never been one of my favorite things but wearing the same clothing day after day can become a little strange and questionable. Just as well as not brushing my hair or styling it (which I love to do).

5. You avoid any sort of 'hang out' with them.

I've avoided and decline any kind of hang out with them or go to a function with them there. I don't like the social interaction and I know that I'm not feeling up to it, so I just avoid it altogether.

There are so many other things that depression affects when it comes to being a roommate. However, some of those things are too personal. If you have a roommate that is going through some similar symptoms, be careful. Addressing it is hard, talking to them about it is hard, and if not brought up carefully, it can lead the roommate into a further depression. I'm grateful that it was brought to my attention, but I also know that I didn't want to leave my room for weeks. I hated myself even more and the thought that other people noticed the bad habits I had taken up, I thought they hated me too.

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