Full of Emotions: A poem

This is a poem that has been stewing in the back of my head for the past week, things that I've felt like I needed to voice and should've spoken up about ages ago.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy it.

I can't bring myself to love you.

I can't stand you

I almost hate you

and yet,

because of who you are,

I know it shouldn't be like this.

Does it make me a bad person

if I wish for your existence to end?

Does it make me evil

to wish no good to come to you?

If this is a sin,

I think it probably is,

I am not ready to repent for it yet.

All these feelings

I used to have for you

have been numbed

by the anesthesia of time.

Every time the anesthesia wears off

I learn a new thing to like

and almost just as quickly

another thing to hate.

You hurt me and you hurt

people I love

with equal abandon

and I can't forgive that.

Maybe it makes me a bad person

maybe I'm justified

in my feelings of dislike

and even if I am

I don't care.

My emotions have been

stunted for so long

because of you.

Being away from you,

I'm allowed to lower my defenses

and actually let my emotions grow

and attach myself to others.

Being away from you,

I realized how strange your love is,

how different your views are

and I've seen how far apart

you and I are now.

And I'm okay with it.