I spend many nights staring at my ceiling. Thoughts about college coming to an end in just two short years. The fear of not making it sits heavy on my chest as I try not to cry. Wondering how I’ll use my degree once I finally have my diploma in my hands.
Wondering if I’ll even be good enough.
To break out in your dream career, you have to want it. Even if you do, there’s such a high chance you won’t make it.
Laying there staring at my ceiling, I think of quitting. Less stress, more time on my hands and the fear of rejection wouldn’t even be a thought in my mind.
Then, I think about everyone who’s doubted me. There are so many who believe I can’t make it. For a split second, I believe them, the ones who question me.
How can a small town girl do what I want to do?
How many people are out there in the same line of work?
The thought of quitting becomes even more appealing as I think about those who want to see me fail. And for a split second, they win.
There is this constant battle I have in my mind. The fear I have and my determination always fight each other every night before I fall asleep. I am terrified to graduate because there is a chance I won't make it. But those doubters in my life help me realize I can do it. I don't need to have people support me to make it.
As I realize this, I fall asleep.
The next night is the same battle all over again. It’s like I’m on loop every night. I am terrified to graduate college. Because then it's real.
Right now, It’s a dream, still not within a reachable distance. Soon, though, it will be right there. Close enough that I can reach my arm out to grab a hold of it.
I’m not ready, just like most that are my age in college. It’s terrifying.
I hope, when the times comes, I'm ready. I want to prove everyone wrong.
Most of all — I want to prove myself wrong.