We have all experienced a time when our close friends have ditched us for some lady or guy. Sometimes it bothers us, and other times we begin to not care. Some of us are even guilty of ditching our best friends, ourselves. The issue with this whole situation is that it chips away at the value of that friendship.
When beginning to date or court someone, we often rely on our best friends for confidence, guidance, and even support. And since they are our best friends, they are willing to provide all three of those things to us.
Best friends, even, encourage us to pursue a relationship with a particular person. They would act as our wingman, speak on our behalf, and aid us with liquid courage. And once things are set in motion and seem to be going well, they take a foot step back.
The thing is that they only stepped back, they did not leave. But we often leave them. We often ignore them.
We get swept away with infatuation and desire and prioritize the new relationship we are forming over the ones that already exist. But that is common and natural. When a mother has a new baby, she allocates more time to that baby over other children initially, because that new baby needs nurturing and a lot of attention. That is kind of what we do when forming a new romantic relationship.
We initially give more nurture and attention to this person, so that they understand our intentions and feel secure in this new relationship.
However, we often forget to include and maintain the friendships that helped us get to that point. Why is it that we desperately need our best friends to help us get the lady or the guy, but then do not really need them as much after that? What happened to that energy?
Is it possible that our best friends helped us find their replacement? Or is it that we just did not realize what was happening while it was happening?
It may be all of that.
I expect some people would argue that the relationships are different and should be treated differently. And I would agree with that. One relationship likely involves a lot more intimacy than the other, so time and focus are inclined to lean in that direction.
But then what happens when we break-up or things get tough with that person we were so infatuated and intimate with?
We try to go back to those friends, expecting them to resume the confidence, guidance, and support they gave us prior to this relationship. And the crazy thing is that some friends, welcome you back with open arms because they can relate or because of the familiarity of the friendship.
But I am convinced that it never goes back to the way it was.
The value of that friendship chipped away a bit. It may not even be noticeable right away. The frame of the friendship could actually look the same, but deep down it may not be.
And that is because when another new person comes around, how do we know we will not act the same way as last time?
I believe the romantic relationships we form are important and require a lot of energy to last, but our best friends need to always be just a foot step back, and not ignored.
If you want a romantic relationship with me, my best friends come with that package.