Failure at Friendship

Failure at Friendship

My cousin is my best friend, and I'm okay with that.

In elementary school you think your friendships will last forever, but sometimes they don't. You get older, your interests change and your friendships fade away. You may not understand why but it's often for the greater good.

I see so many posts from girls that I've known since elementary school who are still friends, maybe they got lucky, or I just wasn't. I've never had a friendship last more than five years. Recently, it's only taken a few months for people to fade out of my life, almost as quickly as they arrived. This summer I had a slight realization that brought me to tears in front of my parents, was I the issue?

But after a lot of thinking, I realized that I'm not. I found out that having a strong personality that you don't change for others is almost unheard of nowadays. Conforming to others to fit in is not what I want to do to have friends. I want friends that support me and my goals in life. I want friends who encourage my personality however annoying I may be at times. I want friends like my cousin.

Yes, she may have an obligation to like me because we're family but she is the strongest friendship I've had in my entire life. One time we didn't talk for six months, but we forgave each other. We both dated idiot boys that the other didn't approve of, but now we both realize that the other was right and we should have listened to them and we wouldn't have wasted our time. The reason why I want more friends like her is because one minute we will be having a serious conversation about school work and how classes are going and then the next we'll be talking about how my future child needs to call her "gawd mutha" (thick Boston accent) and crying laughing about how stupid we looked on spirit day in 2013 and how we ever showed our faces at the high school again. She may get mad at me, she may hold a grudge, and she may make bad decisions but she supports me and doesn't flea.

We share a bond through family that can never be taken away, but we also have a strong friendship that only can become stronger with age. We know everything that has ever happened to each other, there are no secrets. When something happens in my life, she is the first person I call. When our grandmother passed away in 2015, the first question I asked my mom was "Does she know?" and when she said yes I told her that I just needed to talk to my cousin. We then spent hours crying and telling our favorite stories about Gram. Nobody but her knew what I was going through at that time, and I needed a friend that was also family in order to understand my pain and she needed the same.

I've had five "best friends" in my life, and I'm proud to say that my cousin is the only one that stuck around. Thank you for being the greatest person in the world.

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To the girl who left us behind

You may have thought that it was best for you, but in reality you were only helping us

To the girl who left us behind,

I graduated in 2017. Nearly one year ago. When you graduate you expect to stay in touch with some people, but you accept that there are some people who you will probably never see again, let alone talk to. After walking across the stage, getting my diploma and attending all of the graduation parties I said goodbye to some people, forever, without even knowing it.

For almost as long as I can remember I have had three best friends. We were practically inseparable since 6th or 7th grade. It was rare that you would see one of us without at least one or two others around. We spent weekends at each others houses, played on the same sports teams, joined the same clubs, and practically did everything together. The boys that we would hang out with would make fun of us because they noticed it seemed to them that we couldn’t do anything without the others. It wasn’t that we couldn’t do anything alone, we just enjoyed being around each other, we were best friends.

That was until we graduated. We were best four best friends until we walked across the stage, said our goodbyes after the final graduation party and parted ways as we went to college. It didn’t even take until college to see who was really my friends of the four of us, it was less than a week before I never heard from one of my so called best friends ever again. And for this, I could not be more thankful.

In our group of four there was always a clear line, two and two. I loved the other two girls but I was always just better friends with one girl. It had been like this for forever, and everyone knew it, not just us. But once we graduated it became extremely true. But it didn’t break two and two. It was one and three. And this was sad and frustrating at first, and then ended up being a great thing, for all of us.

Nearly 9 months without talking and I knew all hope for the friendship was gone once i saw she tweeted ‘my biggest glow up feature in college was my friends’. At the time yes, this pissed me off. I texted my other friends as soon as I saw it and sad things like “I don’t know what is worse, that we were great friends and put up with her shit. Or that we still sat in that house last week, were the bigger people and acted like nothing ever happened even though we all know we don’t talk to her anymore.” The amount of time I spent with this girl, the amount of secrets of mine she held, the amount of late night memories we shared and there was nothing, no explanation, no final goodbye. Just complete silence. There was that tweet which made it pretty clear she had no interest in being friends with us anymore.

But it made me a better person. I realized that the entire time we had been friends she was tearing me down. She was killing my happiness and I never even noticed it. Our relationship was a toxic one and she did me the biggest favor in the world by cutting me off, because I was afraid to do it myself.

She thinks her biggest ‘glow up’ was her friends. And knowing her, that is probably exactly what she believes. But that is NOT mine. My biggest glow up was growing up, realizing my worth and surrounding myself with people who truly care about me and radiate positivity. And I am thankful and blessed that the people I have surrounded myself with now continue to be with me through this entire process. I am continuing to learn everyday that people who make you feel like you’re not worth anything are never worth your time. I have grown and realized that you can give someone one million chances, you can give them all of your time and love and compassion and understanding. But if they don’t want it or they think they are to good for it than you are better off being left on read, or completely left behind. AND THAT IS OK.


The girl who is finally happy now that you're gone

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5 Thoughts You Have During Big/Little Week

Where are all of these gifts coming from?

Big/Little week can be an exciting, but stressful week for anyone involved. Not only are you dying to know who your big is, but to top it off, it seems like everyone else knows except you.

Despite how many times you ask, your roommates will not tell you who has been coming in your room every day to drop off fantastic gifts. Every gift you recieve is carefully examined for any clues hinting at who is going be your big in one short week.

No matter how many times you hope you’ll catch the mysterious sorority sister in your room, she is always too quick to end up in the same place as you.

1. Who is this random Facebook page that requested me?

Why are there pictures of me from middle school throwing up a peace sign with a bunch of ridiculous stickers attached? Which of my friends is gathering these awful pictures and sending them in just to spite me?

3. Are these hints legit?

Is it possible that my big has a dog? Yes. Is it possible that she has 2 brothers? Yes. Is it possible that she is related to Zac Efron? Probably not.

4. When is she coming next?

Have they already dropped off gifts? Did they bring more snacks? Will I get better hints? The walk back to the dorm from classes is one of the most agonizing times.

5. Who is it?

I still have yet to learn how to sit through a class without thinking about my big instead of focusing on my class. Thankfully this process is only a week or I might have to redo this semester.

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