This has been a very controversial topic for me and many of my family members when it comes to forgiveness vs acceptance in life. When you accept someone for who they are, you accept their flaws and understand them. When you forgive someone, you understand their choice was a mistake, and you pray for change. But, this is where it becomes tricky. Read below.
Forgiveness:
- You hurt my feelings
- Accepting an apology
- Changed behavior
- Working on a better relationship
- Looking past the argument or fight
Acceptance:
- Dealing with the hurt
- Understanding the pain they give to you
- Not caring what he/she does anymore
- No desire to change anything about this person
- No apology is given
Do you feel conflicted about these two differences? I do. What has been very hard for me in accepting people is that I always feel I am owed an apology when someone hurts me. I am quick to forgive, but when you accept someone, you cannot expect changed behavior or any apologies given, you learn to just, "deal with it."
These two topics can create inner anger and not knowing how to deal with pain or any mixed feelings about someone, this is why I am writing this.
For example, you can have a fall out with a family member, and just not understand why this person continuously does this. You are frustrated that this person doesn't change nor says they are sorry. You try to communicate your feelings but it just leads to more anger, so you decide to just, "accept" this person and how they are. Mainly leading to excuses as to why you keep them in your life.
Forgiveness is a whole different ball game. This person owns up and takes accountability for hurting you, and it surely does relieve the anger you were feeling along with the hurt. Changed behavior is normally a result of an apology, although not all the time, which leads to acceptance.
To have healthy relationships, you must be able to communicate and understand both sides. You must be able to respect this person's feelings, if not, you will find yourself just sticking along with the games.
You are worth more than just to "accept" someone, you deserve someone who doesn't hurt you. Whether it is family, friend, relative, or peer, do not settle for acceptance any longer.
The pain of constantly accepting a bad person will always make you feel angry inside, you will consistently be beaten down and searching for an apology you will never receive. Unfortunately, sometimes we need to let go of things and people who hurt us, even if it hurts inside. You deserve more, you deserve to be recognized and respected, never settle.
Love Always, Mel.
