So, it's 2019, and you probably have some gay friends.
The rise of LGBT representation in media (cough cough, Queer Eye!!) and within general population has enabled more and more people to come out, which is awesome.
I'm gay, and while my straight friends sometimes say things that make me feel preeetttyy uncomfortable.
Even if you think you're in the clear, you might be saying something that inadvertently makes your queer friends feel icky.
Read on for 5 things you should ALWAYS avoid saying to your queer friends.
1. Calling them your "GBF” (Gay Best Friend)
Calling someone your GBF, or "gay best friend," is generally NOT okay.
It commodifies them, makes them feel like they're a possession to be had and moreover a social asset instead of a true equal.
Whenever someone calls me this, it makes me feel really small, like being gay is the only thing of value about my personality.
If you love your queer friends to the moon and back, just call them your besties like everyone else!!
2. "My sister's cousin's friends roommate is gay, YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DATE HIM/HER!"
Oh my god, I'll say it once and never again—just because I'm gay DOES NOT mean I'm attracted to every other gay man alive.
That's not how it works and we DON’T have superhuman means of connecting.
I'm just like everyone else; I find some guys utterly gross and others totally hot. So please, unless I ask, do NOT set me up with random gays in your social network.
3. “So tell me about RuPaul's Drag Race."
Yes, while I do love Clueless and have the Mean Girls script memorized, not all queer people like the same things.
I've never seen an episode of Drag Race in my life, but I have other gay friends who love it like a religion. Don't assume things about me just because I'm gay.
Let my actions and what I choose to reveal about myself tell the story.
4. “I respect that you're gay, but I don't think people can be trans/not identify with a binary sexuality or gender."
Even though being queer is not the defining part of your friend's personality, they still care deeply about the LGBT community.
I've had friends tell me that they support me, but not other aspects of the LGBT community, and it's honestly heartbreaking. It's like they're asking me to make a choice between our friendship and my loyalty to a greater community, and that's just wrong.
If you don't understand what it means to be trans or non-binary, have a conversation with your queer friend. They might not know all the answers either, but it's better than turning your ignorance into hatred.
5. “Okay, so who's the man/woman in the relationship?"
I've had even the closest of friends ask me this. Totally not appropriate, and way too personal!
We are both men.
That's the point, Karen.
