When someone drops the word “feminist,” there’s a good chance you might think about the increasingly prevalent Twitter feminist. Twitter feminists tend to be more extremist and more radical in the sense that they dislike men in general and believe in female superiority instead of gender equality, or at least their values and tweets seem to hint at this.
This is not feminism because feminism involves advocating for women’s rights so that they are viewed as equals to men.
I’d like to highlight a few disclaimers before we continue. One is that not every feminist on Twitter falls into the ‘Twitter feminist’ category; many legitimately root for equality. Another is that, yes, I am a feminist – I strongly believe women’s rights are crucial and should be as they are called: rights.
The Twitter feminist sentiment is largely a running joke amongst the millennial community, but it does exist. If you are a Twitter feminist, I do not mean any offense by this article; I just want to express that I disagree with us being superior to men. I think we are equals.
The aspect of Twitter feminism that does make a really good point, however, is in regards to how men view women as sexual objects and that their ulterior motive is to get us gals into bed.
I am not saying that all men are predators because this is absolutely not true. I have so many amazing guy friends that have not attempted to make any kind of sexual advance. However, I also know and am acquainted with several men that have tried to come on to me.
Flirting in itself is not the issue. Go ahead and flirt, as shooting your shot is not wrong to do. What is wrong, though, is continuing to flirt and being relentlessly insistent after it has been made (explicitly) clear that your advances are unwanted.
This whole thing of wanting to simply be platonic friends or nothing at all extends both ways, and gals have been found guilty of being too pushy towards guys, too. Accountability on both sides is important.
In my personal experience, I have had far too many men pursue me romantically or sexually even after I’ve told them that I do not want to be more than friends if that.
There is a very fine line between not giving up and getting the lady versus being blatantly pushy and clearly making her uncomfortable or irritated.
Communication and simple common sense go a long way. If you’re not sure whether they’re interested, you can always be straight up and ask. Pestering her with “Hey,” “heyyy beautiful,” and “sup cutie” three times in a row without a response should be a red flag to you that your advances are unwanted.
Also, just a few pointers in relation to this topic: cat-calling is not okay. A person's fashion style is not indicative of them "asking" for anything. If you ask for nudes and are rejected, accept it. Same with sex. It’s not solely your choice because, you know, consent is a thing and a very important one at that. Nobody ever owes anyone anything and you can be angry but what you are not allowed to do is take that anger out on somebody else because of their personal choices/boundaries.
What you should take away from this is that no means no.
My main reason for writing this article is that I am fed up with unwanted advances and with men expecting me to give them something just because, and because several men think it’s okay to do this then pretend nothing ever happened.
Why is so hard to be platonic friends?
Just because we are the opposite sex means we have to be something other than friends? No!
I have been really, really irritated at times about this because it is so disappointing to think that someone is a great (or going to be a great) friend and then have them pepper in some subtle remark that sexualizes you. I am a human being and my sex and sexual orientation should not be how you see me. Of course, they might be a part of how you see me but those certainly aren’t my only defining factors and you ought to recognize that.
Again, it is not flirting that irks me. It’s unnecessarily turning something that’s not sexual into something that is sexual. If I ask you to stop flirting with me, please stop. And vice versa; if you ask me to stop, I’ll stop. If I want to be more than platonic friends, I’ll let you know but if I don’t, then that’s that.
All I ask is that you listen to me and respect my wishes regarding platonic/romantic/sexual relationships, and I’ll give you that same respect. Just listen to me, please.