5 years ago you called me, telling me that she broke you. I sat on the phone with you waiting for you to fall asleep so I knew you were okay. I texted you before you even woke up the next morning so you knew you weren't alone. I even changed your ringtone in my phone so that if you called I knew to answer. That was the first time she cheated on you at a college party.
The first time she made you feel less than what you are.
The hardest thing was talking to you for days telling you how great you were and how you deserved so much better just to watch you go back to the girl that ruined you a week prior. Not only did you go back to her, but you completely cut me out of your life. You didn't tell me the situation or tell me that you were going back to her, you just disappeared. I was okay with this, because I knew that she made you happy. I was so happy to be your friend, and to always help you when you needed it. I never once saw you as something more than a friend, because I wanted you to be with her. I just knew that she was starting to make you someone that we didn't know. I remember seeing you together and noticing all the ways you were beginning to change. But it wasn't just me that noticed, your family noticed, your lifelong friends, my family, your ball team. Everyone saw that you were becoming more dependent on her than you were on yourself, and that's a dangerous game to play.
She would sit with my mom, your mom, and I at every game you played. She was always such a negative person, always saying things like "he should've done better" or "ew look at that girl". How can someone talk that way? I mean yeah, everyone has something bad to say every once in a while but when it's everything that comes out of their mouth; that gets annoying. I feel like she thought that if she got close to me she would have a way to keep control over you. If she got close to me, I wouldn't tell you to leave when she went and cheated again. I mean it would make sense because none of your other friends liked her. I'm not stupid though, and I would never tell you to stay with someone that treated you the way that she did.
4 Months Later
I'm at soccer camp, having the time of my life. I was playing the game I love, with the people I love just as much. I got a text, and I don't remember exactly what it said but I knew you were upset just by the way you addressed me. Your normal bubbly and happy self would have said something like "Hey loser, what's up" or "let me guess you're being a bum tonight". I automatically without a second thought called you. I had team bonding in 10 minutes, but when you answered the phone and I could physically hear the tears you were crying, and the sound of you trying to get just a simple "hey" out I knew I wouldn't be going to team bonding. It was the same old story. She went to a party at a college, and she had been drinking and it just happened. She just accidentally slept with this guy she met that night. Somehow it became your fault though, because you were out of town all week working and you didn't want to go do something Friday when you got home. I remember it all, every excuse she made, every time she manipulated you into thinking it was your fault. I don't remember how long we talked on the phone that night, but I remember sitting outside for at least 2 hours telling you how special you were, and how I didn't understand how she could do something like that to you. I tried everything I could to make you feel better, because that's what friends do, right? Right. Eventually I had you calmed down enough that you could get high and go to bed. Which is what you did. It was the same cycle all over again, but this time it lasted about 3 weeks. Your mom was at the point where she hated her. Anytime she came around I thought for sure your mom was gonna kill her. It was actually pretty comical, because let's be real, your mom is probably the funniest person I know. But at the end of the day, you went back.
By now it was a pattern so if you're still reading this, I'll just say this; it happened another 4 or 5 times. I won't go into detail again because that's pointless. It was the same story, same outcome, same unlearned lesson every single time.
November of 2017 came around, when I got this strange DM from you. "Hey bum, how are you". I hadn't heard from you in months, which isn't a bad thing. I was tired of helping you get out of situations just for you to go back into them. I answered with some "good, what about you" shit that really didn't mean anything. I knew the drill, you would say "can I call you" or "I need help". I was ready, and I knew to clear my schedule because well, I knew I would be stuck on the phone with you for the next few hours. Oddly enough, it didn't happen like that. You asked me if I wanted to hangout and I was confused but I agreed. You told me you hadn't been with her for a month or so and that you felt really good. I was shocked, I mean really who wouldn't have been? We went to your friends apartment because they just got a new puppy and I wanted to meet it so bad. We were hanging out multiple times during the week and it was fun. It was like I had my best friend back. Until I found out that you and her didn't actually break up and that you lied to me. That was a weird time because she was texting me and accusing me of so much shit that didn't even happen. I was so angry at you because you wouldn't even own up to lying. I mean I was your backbone for how long? And you had the nerve to burn me? Crazy huh.
She apparently thought that I was her advocate after that because every time you did something I got the text about how she needed to leave you because all you did was hurt her. So I mean thanks for that I guess.
I knew that this was never gonna end well for me but about a month later after she got a new boyfriend and moved to Philly with him, you came crawling back to me.
I know what you are all thinking, Chelsey don't be stupid, come on. Well guys it's too late because I was stupid. I went to his apartment that night. I stayed there and it was actually nice. Anyways back to the good stuff.
This became a nightly thing. I was staying with you multiple days during the week and basically living there. It was on the DL because we knew she would go nuts. Well at least that's the reasoning that you gave me. (Also very predictable and spoiler alert but that was never the reason we were DL, I mean in a sense it was because she is a nut job but that wasn't the main reason). For six months I dealt with her constant harassment, along with the rumors people were making up about me; all the while I loved you with everything I had in me. There were times that I knew you weren't only seeing me, I knew that there were others but I ignored it, 100%. I mean I asked you about it and we would get into a fight and then I would stop texting you but then a day or two later you would text me apologizing and explaining everything.
In my mind during all of this I was just focused on fixing what was broken and in this case, it was him. He was broken and I was the one that was supposed to help him. I mean that's always been my job. And I thought, if he didn't want to be with me he wouldn't still be around.
We dealt with this shit for 6 months. And I loved you but like I got to the point where I was so sad and I began hating myself for not being enough for you. It started affecting me in so many aspects outside of personal issues. I didn't want to go to work, or school, I didn't want to leave my bed. It became so unhealthy for me but you were like a parasite and I couldn't get away from you. It was a parasitic relationship, where one benefits as the other dies off. You were feeding off of me and I was dying; parasitic. After pushing the fact that you were sleeping with other girls and being with her behind my back, I finally realized that you were never going to want me in the same way that I wanted you. You didn't want fixed, because you enjoyed having control over me. You knew that the moment you texted me calling me a bum, I would be back.
One morning I woke up from a text from a kid I was pretty close to. He asked me about you and I said it was really unsteady and in all honesty I wasn't sure what was going on between us. He told me about you being at her house all weekend. He actually had pictures to prove it.
That was the end of me letting you play games with me. I blocked you, on everything. I didn't ask you questions, I didn't say goodbye, I just left. Nothing is harder than keeping you blocked. No possible contact. You were my favorite person, but I know that I am better now, even if it's killing me right now.
And now? Well let's hope your one girls' fiance doesn't find out. We all have our fixes, and I guess yours is hurting the people who love you the most. My fix? Letting you hurt me.
