This afternoon I was enjoying myself in a quaint pizzeria that smelled like a mixture of oregano and mothballs when something alarming happened. As the man working the cash register handed me my cash, it dawned on me that he had given me 42 cents when my change, in fact, was supposed to be $5.42. I stood there, 42 cents in hand, panicking internally. I was outraged. I was afraid. I was hoping on using that $5 to buy another slice of pizza. I was not only going to have to assert myself, but I was also going to have to call an unsuspecting cashier out on his mathematical blunder. I immediately started apologizing profusely saying that “I thought he maybe might have forgotten to have given me a $5.” I believe that I said “sorry” three times in my request for my proper change. I apologized. I apologized for not wanting to have my money taken away from me. I apologized and the man found it to be cute and charming, while I immediately felt like less of a person. At what point in my life did I learn that I needed to apologize for requesting what I deserved?
I have come to realize that my problem is a common one and that we need to all stop apologizing for what we say and do, and instead take pride in our thoughts and actions. For that reason, I have constructed a list of things that I, and all of you, need to stop apologizing for:
1. When someone runs into you.
You’re at Shoprite trying to figure out if it’s worth paying the extra dollar for the name-brand cereal (spoiler: it’s not) and a stranger who isn’t paying attention bumps into you, thus causing both the Coco Puffs and Chocolate Poofs to fall from your hands. You grab both cereal boxes and mutter apologies profusely. The stranger accepts your apology and walks away. What are you doing? Why did you apologize? Why are you still thinking about spending an extra dollar on Coco Puffs? Grab your Chocolate Poofs, hold your head up high, and wait for the absent-minded stranger to apologize to you.
2. For accomplishing something.
When I was in second grade, I beat the fastest kid in our school in a race (that is not me pictured above.) I am not sure how this happened because I never have been and never will be particularly apt in running. Alas, I was the fastest kid in school for 20 minutes, yet right after I won the race, I felt the need to apologize. In the process of accomplishing something, I had indirectly taken away someone else’s accomplishment and I felt bad. Looking back, I shouldn’t have. I should have told everyone I knew that I was the fastest kid in school because that would be something that would absolutely never happen again. Instead of exclaiming my triumph to my second grade class, I exclaimed my guilt. If this ever happens to you -- don’t be sorry, be proud. Being the fasted kid in the second grade is quite the feat.
3. For having an opinion.
This one speaks for itself. You should never feel bad for having unique ideas and opinions. Rather than saying sorry for your opinions, you should share them with the world. However, if your opinion has anything to do with disliking me, please keep that to yourself!
4. For not wanting to do something.
It’s Friday night. Your favorite jam is on full-blast in a poorly-lit basement. From across the room you lock eyes with that boy who sits in the back of your WGS class and smells like stale candy. He smiles. You smile back. Love is in the air as you shimmy your way closer and closer to this acquaintance as the sick rhymes of Ludacris heighten the mood. As you finally approach him, he looks at you with passion in his eyes as he mouths, “sup?” This is your chance. You two start kissing—it is an uncomfortable sight for everyone around you, but you don’t care. As Luda fades out, he grabs your hand, “are you coming back to my place?” he questions. “No thank you! Sorry!” you squeak out. Why did you apologize? What are you doing? Stop apologizing, keep dancing. If you feel uncomfortable in a situation or you simply are reluctant to do something, you should follow your gut, not say sorry.
5. For doing essentially anything that doesn’t harm yourself or others.
Some actions require an apology. When I was a little girl, I had a cat that literally got eaten (R.I.P. Smokey). The predator of this situation owed 3-year-old me an apology. That aside, you shouldn’t apologize for being human. Assert yourself and take ownership and pride of your actions. Next time you say sorry, take a step back and think why you said it. Are you actually even sorry? However, if you took a step back into someone in the cereal aisle, it is perfectly acceptable to say sorry.
