to the boy who broke my heart

To The First Boy That Broke My Heart I'm Not Sorry

Wow, I feel like I have seen articles similar to this over and over again, and I have also written this probably a million times. But this time, I finally got it right. I have finally found all the words I have wanted to say to you. And none of them are "I am sorry".

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It all started when I walked through the doors of high school. I never in a million years thought that I would end up falling so hard for you. In fact, I never really wanted a relationship in high school. That was until I met you of course. I still can not get over how everything turned out. At first, it was a corny pickup line asking for my number.

That soon turned into late night talks in the gas station parking lot and that one night that you were so worried about me you broke your curfew to make sure I made it home safe. Wow, that's the night I really knew that I cared about you. Those amazing late nights turned into meeting after basketball and cheer practice. T

hat soon turned into baseball season… then the rollercoasters began. A constant back and forth between us. No one ever really knew what was going on with us. Honestly, I am not even sure that we knew what was going on with us.

The constant months, almost years, of apologizing to you. When in reality, you should have been the one to apologize to me. I constantly apologized to you for not being good enough and for being who I am. I would always feel so bad when you would ignore me. That is actually one of the things that hurt the most.

You see, when you get ignored by the one person that you care about and cherish the most it is almost as if you don't feel complete all. I cannot believe I am about to say this but, thank you.
I know that deep down you are a genuine person. I have seen the way you have been raised.

You are nothing short of a very respectful person. But, if you ever want to think of what you did to me just think of a girl constantly crying herself to sleep at night and calling her friends at 3 am to calm her down. I want you to think of the girl who hated herself so much that it took her days to even talk to her friends. I want you to think of all the things that you never saw, never experienced, and all the things that were kept silent.

Honestly, I almost forgave you. But as I have sat here and thought about how you have completely destroyed every inch of trust I have in any male. I almost forgave you. But, I can't ever forgive you. You made me question my self-worth. I guess it sounds a little over dramatic but if you put yourself in my shoes then you would see where I was coming from. But I never put you through what you put me through. I valued you way more than that.

You have been with the same girl since we have ended things and honestly, I hope she makes you happy. I think you deserve someone who makes you feel like you can do anything you set your mind to.

I hope she pushes you to be a betterment of yourself. And I hope you treat her the same way. If you do end up growing tired of her please do not do her the same as you did me. You used to make me feel so beautiful but after you left I had never felt more ugly.

Despite all that, I hope she is good for you. I hope she keeps you happy. I also hope that every time you see me walking around campus, because it tends to happen a lot, that you feel a pain in your gut. The pain of guilt from how terrible you made me feel and for leaving me like the coward you truly are.

Despite all that, I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for believing in me, I still believe that somewhere, somehow you still believe in me. I've been angry, sad, and happy all at the same time.

This is honestly everything I have ever wanted to say to you, but probably never hear. I loved you and a part of me still does. It is one of those situations where you will always care about the person no matter how the situation turned out. You are one of the greatest, yet worst people I have ever met. But you will always have a piece of my heart, I'm sure you know that.

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