When we get to college, we face many changes and challenges. There are the challenges that are to be expected, such as living on your own, figuring out classes, and choosing a major, but there are also challenges that we may not think about at first. By the time they graduate from high school most people have found a group, or at least one solid friend who they can rely on for everything. These are your people. They make you feel strong, supported, and happy, and you know if you ever need anything, they're there.
Since it's normal for people to go their separate ways after high school, chances are, when you get to college, you're going to have to find some new people -- and this can be way more of a challenge than expected. You're not going to click with every person we meet, and that's just a fact of life. By the time you leave high school, you've had four years to learn who you have things in common with and who you can be yourself around, and you also have probably had a little experience learning how to know when someone isn't one of your people. Coming to college and having to find your new "college" people can be intimidating, but these are a few things that may help when you're looking to find those people in college:
1. Pay attention to how you feel around them.
If you're around a person or a group of people, and you find yourself feeling insecure, nervous, or just negative in general, chances are they're not the right people for you. When you're with the right group of friends, you should feel at ease and not concerned about saying or doing the wrong thing. Feeling insecure or nervous around certain people doesn't necessarily mean that they're bad people, but it could mean that they're bad for you. The best thing about having a good group of friends is that they should make you feel really good, and if people aren't doing that for you, you may want to ask yourself why you're surrounding yourself with them.
2. Pay attention to what you talk about with them.
"Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt
This is an extremely powerful quote that I tend to think a lot about when I'm around new people. If you're hanging out with people, and you notice that the majority of the conversation is revolving around talking about other people, it's usually a good indicator that those people may not be for you. I've found in my 20 years that people tend to talk about other people when they are insecure or when they don't have anything better to talk about, which are both not very promising. We all have moments where we need to vent to our friends about something that has happened, but if you begin to notice that all your conversations consist of discussing people, you may want to think twice.
3. Pay attention to how you act when you're around them.
4. Pay attention to how you feel after you're with them.
We have probably all experienced that friendship in life that leaves you feeling absolutely drained after you've spent time with them. I'm not talking about the good type of drained after a really fun weekend, but I'm talking about a drain of emotions. I like to think of people who leave you feeling like this as emotional Death Eaters, and while that sounds extreme, I find it pretty accurate. Your right people should bring you a sense of relaxation and comfort, and if you hang out with someone and they make you feel tired, stressed out, or more negative than usual, it should be a huge indicator that this person isn't someone you should be around.
Although these things may seem small, considering them when you're making new friends in college can prevent you from ending up with the wrong people. In the end, remember that your people should make you feel happy, supported, loved, and like the best possible version of yourself.
