So, that was quick, huh? Just last week I was writing about the love of my life, and this week, I'm writing about a breakup. It's crazy how fast things happen, but they happen. That's the hardest part for me I suppose, is that it happened, and I knew it would. Something didn't feel right, but I wanted it too. Often too many times, we as people, tend to only fixate on the good that is coming from a situation and not the negative. Even when the bad outweighs the good. I ignored the fire behind me and decided to put all my focus on the field of flowers in front of me. You see though, fire spreads quickly, and before long it caught up to me. Now, I don't have a pretty field of flowers to look at, it's gone, yet the fire hasn't died down.

So badly, I would love to sit here and write about how I'm angry, and that it was all his fault, but that's not the case. It's nobodies "fault." We both had qualities and traits about each other that we loved, and there were things that we didn't. There were things that both of us lacked for each other, and that's okay. I'm a clingy bitch, and he's a busy man. Like really busy all the time. They didn't match up, we didn't match up. That's hard to swallow. Sitting here typing this in my college's library, I look like a mess, but that's all apart of the process. Healing takes time and lots of it. To heal, however, you have to be open to the idea of it. Which is quite frankly the hardest part. You will want them back, you will wanna text them, asking them if they too feel like maybe this whole thing is a mistake, and maybe it is but you won't know for sure until you give some time to be one.

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and that those reasons help us grow, and learn as humans. It's a vital part of being human. Some people come into our lives for a season. In that season, they are there to teach you something and to help you grow... The hard part about that realization is you have to come to the conclusion, you are the same to some people. Any advice anyone gives to you, you have to realize, it works for other people too. You can't be angry or use someones advice to justify anger or spitefulness. It's not right, nor is it healthy for you. I'm saying all this because I want to be angry and spiteful because it would be a lot easier than being lost. I want to think, "Well ha, they were only here to help me grow, forget about them, they weren't meant for me anyway." That mindset is not only dangerous for you but imagine what It does to the other person, their reputation when you tell people they were never good enough for you, that they never meant anything to you. It hurts them, and it hurts you because you're lying to the one person you can't, yourself. Because it's okay that they meant something to you. It's okay that you thought they were the one. You have nothing to prove to the rest of the world, what you were feeling is valid on its own. No one to justify anything to. You don't have to act tough and create a facade, because you feel like if you don't people may find you weak. A wise word to the people who do find you "weak" tho. Love is strong enough to kick anyone's ass and if they don't think so, they've never been in love, or they're scared to face their feelings. And by you doing both, you're stronger than a large majority of people on this planet.

I guess I'm writing this and giving this advice to help heal too. I spent 7 months with a person and it's hard not to think I just wasted that time. I didn't, and I know that now at least. That time was full of laughing, eating ice cream from jennies, and watching a thousand movies together that I didn't really wanna watch but I did, and I enjoyed them because it was with him. That time was spent realizing things about myself I didn't know. Things like, how I show love, and how I need it to be shown to me. I realized that I, along with every other person on this planet, have toxic qualities about them, that they need to work on. You're not meant to stay in everyone's life forever. If someones meant to come back, I promise they will. but its just not our place to determine that. Just don't live your life waiting for the "maybes" of life to happen. You could be waiting for a long time.