A while ago, I honestly don't know how long ago, I wrote an article talking about how I want to find my faith in God again this year and how I was still looking. Well, a few months and many articles and events later, I feel like I have reconnected with Him through a way I didn't think I would.
My whole stomach issue.
About a week or so after I found out I would have the surgery, I went back to school and did all these things. My sorority had a retreat at the local church and the Sunday after the retreat (the next day), I did something I didn't think I would do in a long time.
I went to church by myself.
I did sit by myself but the atmosphere was so much different than from where I go to church back home. I don't remember the last time I went to mass and it wasn't for a special event like a wedding or a funeral. I think it was when my brother was in eighth grade and was about to make his confirmation. Although I missed his actual confirmation for my senior class Washington DC trip. But it was all very traditional in the sense so coming into the atmosphere like H2O church, it was a big change.
I was used to there was a song, two readings with a song in between, the receiving of the Gospel and the Gospel itself, a homily, the whole communion receiving, a prayer, the priest or deacon saying mass is over, a song, and we go. Here it was two songs, the pastor will give worship, a prayer, and two more songs to end. It felt more laid back and in a comfortable environment than what I was used to.
But this article is not about comparing my experiences with the church I usually go to at home (I use usually very loosely) and the church I started going here at school. It's about how I was able to reconnect with God again.
When I went, there was a thing in the back of my mind that made me nervous for my upcoming surgery. Like what was going to happen after and will I be fine as well. But the worship at the mass really opened up my mind and dropped a truth bomb on me. The worship that the pastor gave talked about how no matter how far we stray away from God, we will always find our way back to Him, and He will be there no matter what. That struck a chord in my heart very hard.
Ever since high school and even the beginning of college, I got farther away from Him that I thought that as a 20-year-old sophomore in college it was too late to come back. When my nana and pop died, I asked Him why now. When my dog was put to sleep, I asked Him again why. Why are the three greatest things in my life now gone forever and I will never see them again in person?
But since that mass, I feel like I have put God back in my life.
I began to attend Sunday mass to listen to the worships and strengthen my relationship with God. When the day of my surgery came around, I said a quick prayer in my head before I was given anesthesia to have Him give me strength and quick recovery after this surgery (because I was not going to pray while I was going into a loopy stage). When I was stuck in the hospital a few days longer because the doctors were trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me and why I spiked a fever, I pray that he will heal me (and then a Chaplin came in and perform the anointing of the sick ritual. Never thought I'd have that happen in my life).
So to end this article, can I say I have fully strengthened my relationship with God? Not yet. Am I getting there? Yes.