Fiction on Odyssey: Letters from the Cats
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Fiction on Odyssey: Letters from the Cats

Disclaimer: This is a very loose translation of "Meow Meow HISSSS"

Calico kitten
Jane Niland

To the inferior humans on the internet reading this:

Of course you'd want to hear from me of all cats in the world. Obviously I am the best cat, a good cat, as the human foolishly trying to transcribe keeps telling me... But I should have known. I'd been around the shelter for a while, and I knew humans were dumb, but I didn't think these ones were. They did adopt me, after all. Once I established a structure around my new house, everything was fine. The male humans both liked to brush me and made sure I took care of my kitty business in peace. The females, however.... One of them is all right. She provided a place for me to sleep between her two legs and gave good pets, although her definition of personal space seemed off. The other female didn't try to pet me, but seems like one to be respected, as she shows catlike qualities. She respected me, I respected her. I thought it was enough. Then one of the humans brought the new... thing into MY home.

A baby. Not a baby human, but a baby peasant cat. I shouldn't have had to deal with this, I got spayed! And nobody let me have any input! That little brat took away the upstairs light room and climbs everywhere like she owns the place! I own the place! Not her! I've tried and tried to show her who's the boss around here. I've hissed, I've shouted when she tries to come near me or my things, but she just doesn't get it! She may as well be a dog. I've even tried to... eliminate any sustenance. The weak do not survive. She must learn, even if she may as well be with the dogs. At least the respectable human still sides with me. She seems to do the same when the little one tries to so much as bap her. More later.

- Bozzuto Ruby

Hewwo hoomans!

Life in the new place has been so much fun! It was hard leaving my brothers and sisters at first, but these hoomans are sooo nice!!! There's two big ones and two small ones! The small boy one likes pets a lot! But the big lady human is so soft! She likes for me to sleep on her and it's soooo comfy! The other big boy human has a special room with a huge light box he sits at all day, but it's comfy there too! And the last hooman.... I think she's sad. She needs cuddlies, but she always makes these weird noises. They sound like "No," and she uses big words I don't get. There's another kitty here too but she's not good at making friends. You don't hiss and roar if I come near you, silly! We gotta play! Maybe she can know soon. The can all know soon, even that hooman who likes to call me "destruct-oh-kitty."

Wuv alwayz


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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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