Feeling underappreciated is the worst feeling to have. After putting so much work into something just to feel like you belong and to make new friends, it's a slap in the face to not succeed.
I think people just take my hard work for granted and don't think, care, or appreciate what I do.
People just use you for when it's convenient and benefits them.
I've learned this many different times, in many different situations.... and it's all the same, the same outcome.
I realize that some people aren't meant to be friends with me.
I just don't understand why I have to find out and realize after I put time and effort into the relationships I build.
I'm not just a fly on the wall, I'm a person and I'm not invisible.
Yet, it sure feels like that.
I'm at a competition and the first half is volunteering for the younger kids. I help table, sell raffle tickets, sell shirts and other apparel and then I get left. I get stuck doing it all by myself while everyone goes off and have fun, except the four people we are partnering with to do fundraising outside of our group.
I didn't mind at first. But then, I get a short break to get away to watch all the action! I am told about 20 minutes later to go relieve those four people so they could get a chance to see what our group is all about. So, I tell them that they can go see the competition since they haven't seen one before and they all leave me alone in the corner.
I watch the table, watch the money made, and watch the merchandise, all for an hour with nothing to do. I get to watch the competition from afar and everyone having fun.
But I'm not.
I didn't want to make a scene; I'm trying to fit in.
But I feel as if I'm alone.
Eventually, those four people come back because they "feel bad" for leaving me alone. But the damage is already done.
At least someone else could've come over from my own group to talk to me, to switch out with me and let me enjoy the competition. But no, no one did.
It's not those four people's fault. They have been working all day at the table like myself.
Later, I have to sit there and watch how my group thanks and compliments those four people who partnered with us and ignore me.
I still have one more day with my group and from now on, I will not be taken lightly. I will watch how these people work and see who they really are. See if I do belong or if I'm just deadweight to them. See if I could get around this bump and move on. Or have to let this group go and find something new for myself.
I wish I would stop people from walking all over me.
I wish it didn't have to come to this.
I wish I had a better judge of character and made worthwhile friendships.
I wish that I could be someone people wanted and valued.
Someone people could stick with and not let me down.
I get let down a lot and no matter what I do I always get disappointed. I put myself out there and I just let myself get hurt every time.
Hopefully one day that will change.
Thanks for reading.