From what I can remember, for the past 18 years I have gone to church nearly every Sunday. Within my family there are a variety of beliefs, including several forms of Christianity. My close family considers themselves Non Denominational or Catholic, so I grew up doing things like watching Veggie Tales, listening to Toby Mac and Newsboys, and going to Wednesday night Youth Groups.
Thinking back, I can find so many emotional and life changing experiences I’ve had because of being raised as a Christian. Going to Spencer Lake and hearing some incredible stories, learning so much about my fears and values, but also my family deciding we could sponsor a child who lives in poverty in Guatemala - both are incredible experiences that I will never forget.
Being part of a church family is indescribable. Everyone is there to support you and comfort you whenever, especially in a time of need. I’ve been a member of groups that redo parts of peoples’ houses, bake food for a newly born child’s family, and so much more. The people that you meet through organizations like a church can truly be amazing. Children, teenagers, and adults all coming together because of a similar belief. Sometimes this idea can be rightly wonderful...
...but for the past few years, I’ve been struggling with my beliefs. From my point of view, the “typical Christian” doesn’t see things anywhere near what I do on most issues. Normally this wouldn’t seem like a problem, everyone has different ideas of what’s right. However, when I see people of, what I thought was my faith, openly judging me, my family, or my friends because of an aspect of our lives, I start to question the customs and integrity of that faith. Due to this and a few other reasons, I have been growing from Christianity. Now, while I don’t see my drifting faith as “the worst thing ever,” I know many people will (most of these people being my family members).
I’m at an age where practically everything is experimental. I’m really learning who I am and going on a journey that's filled with trials and tests, including my religious beliefs. I know this explanation is thin and lacking real detail, but calling myself an Agnostic is what feels right.
I’ve been through enough already to tell you - yes, shit does happen. Sometimes this “shit” is awful and a huge obstacle to overcome for one person, while it’s not a big deal to another. You might be thinking, “aren’t you like, 18?” Well yeah, but I’ve been through, and have heard even more stories of, terrible things. Several of my friends even, have been through what sounds like an Earthly version of hell and back.
Faith is a test like no other, and it sure knows how to strain your thoughts and emotions. And just because I don’t claim to be a Christian doesn’t mean I can’t go to church with my family. Because I call myself an Agnostic, I still believe that there might be a God. Going to church isn’t just me “going through the motions,” but rather me trying to understand my friends’ and family’s beliefs.
I don’t appreciate when people of faith ridicule another person openly and publicly for their “sins.” Does not everyone sin? I know I have.
