They say you fall in true love three times in your life. The first being the one that you stubbornly never want to let go of. The second is the one that is supposed to bring you to your lowest point and teach you the hardest lessons. Finally, the third comes out of nowhere and you don't ever expect it, but you end up with them because of it. Now, these are not set in stone by any means, there are plenty of you out there that broke free of these hard lessons and skipped straight to the good part. Congrats. As for the rest of us. Were sitting here asking ourselves if we are on number three yet and hoping for the best.

I suppose I'm writing this, listening to Adele, because I am feeling sorry for myself. Being sad, because I have so many questions about where I stand in this long line that is love. Can someone really sleep well at night, knowing their partner is sad, and they may be contributing to it? I mean really, you lay out everything in front of someone, and they seem not to care, but turn around and say I love you. What do those words even mean at this point? We seem to live in a very "Empty Promises" type of society, where everyone knows what to say but not how to mean it. I know what I want them to mean when they leave my mouth. It's a powerful statement, entrusting my devotion, emotions, and my heart to someone. It is the ultimate way to give your heart to a person because it wraps around so many different concepts and mindsets that a human bears.

You may be thinking, wow this seems personal. To that, I would say, wow, you're right, it is. I am dealing with the things I just mentioned. I am truly in love. All my friends would tell you, my family, and heck even the stranger at Starbucks I ramble to about my boyfriend, would all tell you that I am in love. The reason I can be so sure is due to the fact that I'm completely unsure about anything else. I'm indecisive about ordering food, I can't ever decide on what my favorite song is at the moment, and I don't know what I wanna do with my life, but I do know I wanna spend it with them. So, so, so badly. I wanna come home one day, and be asked how my day at work was with a kiss on the head. I wanna be able to support someone as much as they support me, and it be enough, more than enough. My high school counselor, out of everyone, told me shes never met anyone that fit the description of a hopeless romantic better than me, and that is probably true. I haven't either if I had, we wouldn't be here, would we?

I'm not saying I won't have all those things, only time will tell. What I am saying is the only math I was ever good was probability, and if all things fall in a line depending on how life is going at the current moment, it's not looking great. Though... I so badly want them too. My friends tell me I deserve the world, and I want to think I already have it. They tell me, I'm smart enough to do anything I want, and I think to myself, I have all I need. At the current moment, I'm not sure I do. I am willing to work for it. I want to work for it. I will put in my 50% as long as they are, this should be anyone's outlook. Relationships take effort. They require constant evaluation and tending too. They are too heavy for one person to hold up. And for a while, you may be able to hold one up by yourself, but just know its crushing you, and the other person isn't suffering the same fate. Holding it together, however, ensures neither of you are victims of that. I do wanna point out that if you are holding said relationship by yourself, you can always chuck that bitch out. Don't let yourself be crushed due to someone's lack of support, it isn't worth it.

I'm not sure if said person will ever read this, but if you do, I love you. So much in fact that I want you to be the one to give me that kiss on my head, to support me and me support you. I'll forever be your biggest fan, and I'll always be there to pick you up from the airport at three am. At the moment, I'm just nervous I'm in that first love I talked about, but I so badly want you to be my last and forever. I just need you to realize I'm not physically or mentally strong enough to hold the weight of this relationship by myself. Nor should I have to be.

And neither should anyone. As human beings, we wanna get stuff done our own and never inconvenience people, but that's not how any of this works. We are better together, and stronger as one unit rather than one person. Love is a hard concept to grasp. I'm only 18, and I don't even think I rank high enough to write this article, but that's that beauty of life isn't it, we all do things before we are ready, and were made better for it. As for love, I don't think anyone is ever ready because it indeed usually finds us in the oddest ways and sweeps us off our feet.