5 Ways to Pretend That You're Productive AF
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5 Ways to Pretend That You're Productive AF

For when you can't be bothered to get ACTUAL work done

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5 Ways to Pretend That You're Productive AF
FreeImages.com/Kerem Yucel

We all get lazy sometimes, and a lucky few of us get lazy even more often. However, after a while, it can feel like you somehow ended up in a slump of despair as you realize that you aren't actually doing anything with your time. If you're like me - and a lot of other people, actually - you'll want to get back to work and be a productive citizen again. But being the lazy potato you are you don't want to really do anything. You can continue to roll around on the floor with your face covered in chocolate and ice cream, or you can do the (not) recommended thing and simply fake being productive.

It's actually very simple; I pretend to be productive all the time. Here I share with you my top five ways to feel productive again when I feel like a useless waste of space, but not enough of a waste of space to actually do any real thing about it.

1. Make a list of things you already did.

(I got so much done today omg.)

This is one of my favorite ones to start with. Literally take anything you can write/record with - pen and paper, your laptop, even a voice recorder if you can't be bothered to move that much - and just start making a list of things you already did. It doesn't even have to be things you did that particular day. Just start saying things you did. Up there is an example list I wrote myself. Look at all that work I got done without getting anything done!

if you want to push yourself further like the falsely-productive person you are, you can even start adding things that you need to do! (Again, that's completely optional and may start making you feel less productive.)

2. Buy stuff that organizes other stuff.

(My personal favorite productivity purchase: Notebooks)

If you've convinced yourself that you somehow have enough money to go shopping, you can go to an office supply store, a supermarket, or even the dollar store to buy things that organize other things. For example, when I was supposed to be studying for finals one week before, I went out with my friends to the dollar store to buy a cork board and a whiteboard to tack things on the wall and write down a to-do list for every day. I didn't get any studying done, but I sure as hell felt productive AF!

As an alternative, if you really can't/don't want to leave the comforts of your own home, you can always just go on Amazon.com. Same difference, and if you can wait for the shipping date, your purchases come to you.

3. Post on social media how today is gonna be a productive day for you.

(Tweet me, dear readers~)

Here you see an example post of mine exhibiting this method. You literally just post something along the lines of "I'm busy" on all of your social media outlets. Then you can sit and browse around while you watch people like your status/tweet/tumblr post/hired airplane's sky-writer message.

4. Use social media to end up talking to people in a "discussion".

("Yaaaaaaaaasss gurl, I'm so busy right now!!")

You're already on social media anyway. You can use your post as a conversational piece. Consider starting with, "Ughh, I'm so busy today..." or "Plz halp lolz". Eventually, by talking with your friends, you will forget all about your feelings of laziness and you can easily kill an hour or five this way.

5. Take a nap.

(Hit the hay to improve your day.)

This is the last resort (or for me, the first option to try). Scientists always say that sleep is good for the brain because is consolidates our memories in giving the brain time to rest. In this way, the brain breaks neural connections it doesn't need and reinforces connections that we were previously working on, particularly the ones we were working on reinforcing actively before the time of the nap...or something like that. (I probably need a nap right now.) Anyways, just take a nap in the name of giving your brain a rest and "consolidating your memories", whether you were trying to learn a new math concept or thinking about puppies. Hopefully once you wake up, you'll be better at math or have dreamed about the puppies. Both outcomes seem fine here.


And there you have it. My top five tips for creating a false sense of productivity. In the words of our Great Chef Overlord, Ina Garten: "How easy was that?"

Did I miss anything? Or do you think you have any better ideas? Share them with your fellow millennials in the comment section!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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