I’ve steered away from openly expressing my faith and religious opinions with others for most of my college existence. Recently, I’ve begun to ask myself: Why haven’t I felt comfortable directly talking about Christianity as a college student?

While I may not openly express it to everyone, I am happy with my relationship with God. Growing up, I wasn’t exactly the coolest kid (typical teen angst, am I right?) and I felt unable to fit in, but God provided me with people who loved me and my roots began to grow. As I have grown into myself, I continue to feel that no one I know should have to feel lonely like I did. I know that my calling is to show people the love of Christ through my words and actions.

And honestly, I still do exactly that. But as I moved into college, I tended to steer away from Christ-based language, only discussing religious topics with trusted family and friends.

From the second I stepped into my freshman year of college, I was thrust into an entirely different type of religious community. All of a sudden I felt surrounded by people who made Christianity feel more like an exclusive membership than a welcoming faith, and honestly, it was intimidating.

Even though I was a member of this faith, I didn’t know all of the trendy Christian talks, and I began to feel as if I wasn’t welcome in this community. People quoted scripture at the drop of a hat, using it in everyday conversations, seemingly all day long. My social media feed was flooded with photos of painted bibles that took #blessed to the next level. Terms like “love languages” and phrases from books by Christian leaders began to ring in my ears. Christianity had begun to feel more like a trending topic than a religion.

I totally understand that the Lord is worth celebration. I also understand that there are Christians who grow closer to God through things like social media posts and conventions like “love languages.” But there are also Christians who have taken religion and turned it into a popularity contest. And for people like me (Christian or not), it can be perceived negatively.

Am I a “bad” Christian for feeling this way?

I don’t think so.

Looking back, I realized that the reason I don’t openly talk about my faith is that I’ve struggled to feel as if I fit this “perfect Christian” standard. Instead of joining in on the trends of Christianity, like posting my bible on Instagram or sharing the latest from popular evangelists, I have had to prove to myself what my faith means to me.

Through this journey, I’ve learned to challenge the way I perceive the world around me. Why am I a Christian? It’s not just because other people do or it’s the “cool” way to live life. It’s because Jesus has shown his love to me, even though I am not a perfect being. And I don’t ever have to pretend that I am. And because of that, I don’t need others to be perfect either.