I was watching Netflix a couple of days ago and a girl said to a guy, "I love you. Of course I love you, but love is not enough." At first, it made sense, because there are so many other things besides love that we have to think about before forming a relationship with someone. Loving someone sometimes doesn't seem enough. But then, I went to Confession.
If you have read my articles before, or if you know me, you know that I am Catholic and proud. But sometimes it is hard to forget that we are human and therefore, we are also sinners. I told the priest that sometimes I feel like an inadequate Catholic. I mess up all of the time ranging from the occasional white lie to not wanting to get up for Mass, or even sometimes doubting God and thinking that my plans are better than His. Of course, I have many other sins, but the shocking thing about that particular confession wasn't about my sins, it was the priest's reaction to those sins.
I told the priest, "Sometimes I get mad at God. I don't understand Him. I really don't get what He wants from me." He was silent for a moment, and then laughed and said, "My child, not understanding God is not a sin." In the back of my head I knew that. I know that God is a mystery. The Holy Trinity, His full divinity and full humanity. His love. How He thought it was a good idea to send His only Son to die for our sins, even though He warned us of what would happen if we ate the fruit of the tree. And we still do it. We know He loves us, and He saved us, but we still sin. Do we take advantage of His love? Or is it just a flaw of our humanity that we are so called to sin?
After I was finished with my confession, the priest reminded me that Saint Paul used to kill people who followed Jesus. But after he accepted God into his life, he became a missionary, and then a saint. Saint Peter denied Jesus three times before His crucifixion. Even Saint Augustine, in his book Confessions, admits to being a lustful man at some point of his life. There are accounts of Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta where she claims that at times she felt abandoned by God. Saint Thomas the apostle doubted the other apostles when they said they had seen Jesus after His death. All of these saints messed up from time to time. They were human too, but even with all of their mistakes, they made it to heaven.
The thing about them is that they understood that love was enough. God was enough. God, the purest form of love, was enough. And that is what they did. They loved Him above all else. They lived by His example and His teachings. They loved like Jesus taught us to love. After the priest reminded me that even saints were sinners, he said, "Welcome to the major leagues. I don't know where you think your sin belongs among the spectrum of sins committed by some saints, killing Christians and denying Jesus, but I think there is hope for you yet. Your sin will never be greater than God's mercy." We are in the major leagues. The leagues of saints who struggled with the same things many of us struggle with. They made it, and with God's help, so can we.
Don't feel bad when you don't understand God's plans. Even Pope Francis spoke about doubting the faith saying “It is part of the journey of faith, it is part of our lives. This should not surprise us, because we are human beings, marked by fragility and limitations. We are all weak, we all have limits: do not panic. We all have them.” All you have to do, is remember that God knows best. Follow through with His plans. What He has planned for you is greater, more beautiful, and will bring you more peace than anything you could plan for yourself.
The priest also reminded me that we are only responsible for our own soul. We don't have to try to win a fight that God already won. We just have to trust Him. Put our friends, our families, our worries, and even our enemies in His hands, and just trust Him. If you ever sin and get caught up on the idea that this time God won't forgive you, or that God doesn't want to hear from you, or that whatever you did will make Him stop loving you, remember: no matter what you do, God's mercy will always be greater than your sin.
Don't let the fact that God loves you no matter what let you take Him for granted. If you truly love Him, you will do His will. You will change your life for Him and bring others to Him. Yes, we are humans and humans sin and make mistakes, but love is enough to change us. God is enough to change us. God, the purest form of love, is enough. So if at the end of your life you realize that all you accomplished and did well was truly love God, then congratulations. You've lived better than most of us. But if you don't believe that love is enough, remember. Even saints were once sinners.
