Big. Strong. Stoic. Brave. Muscular. Fast. Bold. Macho. Suave. Rich. Tough.
What came to your mind when reading over those words? Most of us call to mind these adjectives when hearing terms like “masculine” or “manly.” Beyond that, so many of us associate these ideas with the “ideal” image of a man — the superheroes, the frat boys, the Jordan Belfort’s and the Channing Tatum’s of society.
Small. Delicate. Emotional. Safe. Thin. Gentle. Sweet. Pretty. Fragile. Expressive.
Now, what came to your mind when reading over those? Odds are, you associated those ideas with the exact opposite: “feminine” or “girly.”
Why do we do this? Many people believe these traits are inherent to men and women respectively, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. You’ve probably heard the phrase “gender is a social construct” before; I’m here to tell you that statement couldn’t possibly be more true.
Think about it. Do you really think you just naturally act feminine or masculine? These binaries are learned behavior, not inherent.
Men — listen up. To your dismay, most of us women aren’t actually seeking men that fit that constructed mold of masculinity. We don’t yearn for strictly the emotionless, aggressive, tough guys that you may think we do.
In fact, many of us have been the most hurt by those very people. It’s toxic behavior; behavior that, I can assure you, most of us don’t want to see or experience in a significant other.
And, no, that doesn’t mean we desire effeminate men. News flash: expressing emotion, vulnerability and empathy aren’t inherently female traits. They aren’t inherently gay traits, either.
They are HUMAN traits — human traits that you shouldn’t be afraid of embracing. Traits that we don’t want our romantic partners to suppress.
Let’s be real, who wants a romantic partner who is impossible to connect with on a deeper level than merely just the physical? I can’t emphasize enough how attractive it is when a man expresses his feelings, is outwardly kind to others and is receptive to my own emotions.
Contrary to what most of us think, men and women are much more human than they are opposite genders.
Emotional intelligence is sexy, no matter how you identify.
Men, stop trying so hard to impress us with your stoic, “tough guy” persona. Attracting a woman and establishing a good relationship can happen by removing that mask and allowing yourself to experience your humanity — happiness, sadness and all the emotions in-between. That’s what real masculinity ought to be about.
