As I sat down a few weeks ago to make my goals for 2020, I started reflecting on how different my life was at the beginning of 2019. While my life looked okay from the outside, a lot of other things were totally not okay on the inside. For starters, I was going through a messy break up. A break up is never something fun, but this one was particularly messy, and unfortunately, I let that affect my school and social life. Then the rest of my year kind of did that snowball thing where it felt like the hits kept coming and they kept coming more frequently and harder. But, luckily the universe has a funny way of showing you the right path you need to go down.
There were moments in 2019 that I wanted to just crawl in my bed and forget any of it was actually my reality. And some days that's exactly what I did. All my life I never was the type of person to dwell on something bad that happened in my life, and instead I had the "pick yourself up by your bootstraps and get on" mentality. This, though, was different. It felt like there was a constant weight in my chest and I hated the change that was happening around me. "Why couldn't have things stayed the same," and "Why couldn't this just all go away?" were questions that puzzled me more than anyone could ever know.
It took determination and lots, and lots of hard work, but eventually, my life felt a bit clearer. I started to choose to deal with it instead of forcing myself to deal with it all because I knew I had no other option.
I started seeing change as an opportunity to change myself for the better.
While I still have my days (as does everyone else), I can confidently say that I am no longer putting on a face for my social media posts or my friends around me. Going through hardships in life can even make being happy 10 times better because you know just how hard you worked to get back to you.
So, looking back on 2019 this January was different than how it was a year ago. Instead of feeling absolute defeat, I felt pride. Pride in how far I had come. Pride in my accomplishments, and pride in myself. Once I decided to embrace the change that was happening around me, change happened in me. If it can happen for me, it can happen for you, too. So, don't give up and instead embrace the things that change around you.
Whether that's therapy or working out or just simply being around your friends and family, do it because it can make all the difference in the world. Finding out what works for you is the second most important step of the process of loving the change and loving your life. The first and most important step is to just try. Making that first step takes courage and strength, and you've got both. Take it from me, these bad changes are just temporary. Something good will come of it if you open your eyes and take a leap of faith.
Keep going because it will always get better.