Any of my friends who know me on an intimate personal level will understand that I have made choices in the past and attempted to comport myself in a manner that would suggest a normal personality and temperament. Not necessarily an attempt to be one of the beautiful people, but, I would exert an unreasonable amount of effort into conveying a person that can be singularized to a particular identity, whether that be goth, nerd, Southern (which absolutely no one took seriously), grungy, and, even preppy.
One day, I would make the decision to wear khaki pants, a button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a pair of Sperry’s. Then, I’d suddenly want to wear brown cargo pants, converse with Harley Quinn and the Joker, a black shirt and a grungy-looking coat. One can’t forget my brief and comedic attempt at wearing a synthetic muscle shirt, tight jeans, black cowboy boots, and, shamelessly try-hard sunglasses. I refused to be who I am, which is a genuine eccentric. Even when I attempted to wear one of these costumes that I designed with the attempt at portraying a typical role, I’d still meet new people, and, once they somewhat knew me after hanging out a single time, they’d refer to me as “strange,” and, whether they use that term in a positive or disrespectful manner (more often than not, it was in a positive manner), it caused me to feel very insecure and uncomfortable.
The classic “cognitive dissonance” theory states that cognitive dissonance occurs when you realize, either by your own recognition of a actions and characteristics or other people’s reactions and judgments, that the self-image you’ve programmed yourself to be pleased with contradicts your personality, social role, character, or, even morals, and you suddenly feel uniquely uncomfortable.
I remember my uncle, a person that I share generally eccentric quirks with, would sometimes remark, “Strange boy,” when I would state or do something strange or uncharacteristic of a normal person with a familiar personality. I can remember my professor telling me that I’d love her class because all of the movies are weird like me. I remember classmates in high school who desperately wanted to fit in with a clique would dislike me because of my eccentric nature. And, I would see my peers try so desperately to be unique or strange by awkwardly conveying a fake nature just as I did. I would think to myself that I was well-aware of my own eccentric nature, and, I didn’t understand why a normal person would want to be that way.
Being eccentric is why I say the things I say, do the things I do, and think the things that I think. It’s why I’m walking through campus, look at my watch which doesn’t tell the date, and wonder whether it could be two days too fast since it doesn’t tell me the date. It’s why I express random colloquialisms or use strange wording that I’ve never heard anyone use as if they’re typical phrases, like, “That is immensely exciting” or, “This is a very abstruse conversation.” Or I’ll restructure obscure quotes and say things like, “Hey, if you’re the chaos, then I’m the dancing star!” Or, maybe, “I wouldn’t stare into that abyss for too long!” Of course, both of these examples are Nietzsche quotes, but, it’s the only ones I could recall.
Being eccentric is why I sometimes walk without swaying my arms, and, it’s why I like music like Marilyn Manson and PJ Harvey. It’s why I sometimes wear black button-up shirts with black jogging pants and a pair of converse for the sake of feeling comfortable and slick. It’s why I sometimes initiate conversations with people asking them about their favorite movies or school subjects, or, maybe just asking, “Do you like anime?” And, it’s why, in an informal conversation, if you ask me a simple question, I’ll go on a long tangent that may or may not arrive at a point that relates to what you just asked me.
Being an eccentric isn’t an attempt at being “special” or “precious.” There are eccentrics the whole world ‘round. The importance of recognizing that you’re a genuine eccentric is not only recognizing that you’re different from the majority of people but, also, that we’re all the same. After beginning the process of coming to terms with my eccentric nature, I found myself becoming friends with people from drastically different backgrounds. Conservative and liberal. Straight and gay. Preppy and alternative. Warm and cold. Religious and non-religious.
Once again quoting my uncle, everyone’s unique like everyone else. Many fit in with the typical crowd, and many don’t. There are those that fit in that don’t mind, and there are those that fit in and thrive on it, but, there are also those who naturally fit in but wish they could be different or unique. Then, there are those who don’t fit in. There are those that are fine with that, there are those that thrive on it, and there are those, like I have been in the past, that desperately want to fit in.
I’ll spare myself the cliche of saying, “Be yourself.” I think it’s fairly clear that someone like me encourages staunch individuality. But, all I’ll suggest is that the only people who are truly unique are the people who desperately try to be anyone that they aren’t. Reconciling my eccentric nature and accepting my awkward social role is how I make friends, meet new people, constantly evaluate my principles and concepts, and slowly make progress towards a fulfilling life.
I’m eccentric. Maybe, you’re normal, or, maybe you’re not. We’re all alternative. And, that’s an eccentric way of conveying that thought.
