Put Down Your Drinks: Why I Don't Want A Traditional Bachelorette Party
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Put Down Your Drinks: Why I Don't Want A Traditional Bachelorette Party

Let's be real, the wedding is going to be expensive enough.

Put Down Your Drinks: Why I Don't Want A Traditional Bachelorette Party

Bachelorette parties are becoming a big thing in our collective cultural consciousness. From movies like Rough Night to Brooklyn Nine-Nine's episode "Bachelor/ette," the idea of women letting loose with their friends before their wedding is going mainstream.

Riding on the sparkly sashes of these media phenomena are also a host of ideas about alcohol consumption, female sexuality, and consumerism in general. None of which I am particularly enamored by.

Let's start with alcohol. Not everyone can or wants to drink alcohol. Most orthodox Hindus and Muslims avoid it like the plague, and Islam even has a religious edict banning the consumption of alcoholic beverages. Besides religion, some people may also be teetotalling for other, maybe medical, reasons. So many people are in recovery from substance abuse, many of whom will avoid disclosing their struggle to friends in an effort to avoid censure. Others may be on medications that prevent them from imbibing alcohol. It would hardly be fair to them if they were dragged along on an outing premised on the idea of getting drunk.

Then there is the whole sex thing. I did a bit of research before writing this article, and the first thing that hit me is how much sex sells for. It is expensive to hire (good) strippers and those clubs with the performers have cover charges. I don't know about you, but there is no way I'm shelling out my hard-earned cash to watch someone dance around in their underwear. There are a lot of other, less wallet-taxing means of bonding with friends. Like trivia games, or board games. In fact, I would totally want my maid of honor to make a board game with trivia questions about my own and my friends' love lives.

My research also left me with an interesting thought: equality always seems to involve women taking up the trappings of traditional masculinity, not men being free to explore things associated with traditional femininity. We are seeing women drinking hard and hiring strippers, giving rise to a new sociological phenomenon called "Raunch Culture." Why don't we ever see guys just chilling and taking care of their skin or nails? When are bachelor parties going to include margaritas and a movie?

So instead of a logistical nightmare that is probably going to be at least a quarter as expensive as the wedding itself , I could just gather a bunch of my friends and we could haul ourselves into the great unknown for a weekend of glamping, or spend a night taking a museum tour with a twist, or just book a fancy AirBnB for some R&R before the wedding frenzy. Who knows, we might even go for a perfume party, which might be well worth the look...

And if we really, really want to say we "went clubbing", why not try a comedy club? We get entertained, can have a drink (without any pressure to get drunk) and the only sweaty person there might be the performer:)

To be honest, I wouldn't even mind if my friends and I got together to sing bad karaoke and play games and watch a good movie with popcorn and ice cream. You know, sleepover stuff. Because isn't that what bachelorette parties are really about? Making lasting memories with your best girlfriends before the big day? I don't know about you, but I can just as easily make those kinds of memories from my living room (although a hotel room or fancy AirBnB would be preferred...), as I could on a club dance floor or at a bar. In fact, I'll probably have an easier time making those memories without all the drinking, considering that binge-drinking alcohol affects memory formation.

Most importantly, I want to continue to have nights like this long after I'm married. Marriage doesn't mean deserting friendships and platonic relationships in pursuit of an all-consuming romance. Because that level of obsessive dependence is just unhealthy. Everyone needs time to themselves and time with people outside of the family. Remember how annoying and cloying your parents felt when you were in high school? How tired you would be of having to see the same two people, again and again, listening to the same five complaints over and over? If you don't make an effort to interact with people who are not your coworkers or SO, your SO could easily take that place of being a total pain in the neck. The key to any healthy relationship is to have a life outside the relationship. A life that includes taking the time to hang out with other friends while watching 90s teen comedy adaptations of Shakespearean plays and stuffing ourselves with takeout.

In conclusion, having a typical bachelorette party isn't a bad thing, but it's not for me. And that is more than okay. Especially when there are so many other options out there!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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