“Stop throwing away your affections to someone who doesn’t deserve it,” said my best friend, clearly exasperated. Of course he would be, considering this was when I came crying to him about how used I felt.

I had agreed to go out with someone I’d only talked to briefly the night before, and he kissed me on the spot. It only escalated from there, and the “dates” (if you could call having your first make out session in the Books a Million parking lot and it only going further from there a “date”) were only physical. Every single time I tried to get to know him or try and force him to get to know me (to make up for how much we’d been making out; somehow I thought this would be my redemption), he wasn’t interested. In fact, in the end he was terribly rude and I finally had to put my foot down and do what I should have done all along: Given him a plain and resounding “no” and walked away.

Consent is key, by the way. Before I go on, I need to make it clear that what he did to me was so very, very wrong. This boy (I refuse to call him a young man as he clearly has not reached the maturity to deserve such a title) made the severe mistake of assuming that since I wasn’t saying no that I was okay with absolutely everything he was doing, He would also often coerce me into doing things even after I’d said “maybe we should stop,” or “I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with this.” Heck, towards the end there was even an incident where I thought he was going to sexually assault me for a horrifying few moments. I’d told him to “Please get off of me,” and he wouldn’t comply at first. I had to repeat myself several times and even try to push him off, but at first he wouldn’t budge.

Let me tell you: If it isn’t a certain, resonant, and plain “yes,” it’s a no. There is no such thing as “non consensual sex.” That, my dear reader, is called rape.

Now getting back to my main point: my friend was right. I deserved and still deserve so much better than the treatment I received by showing love towards people that didn’t do anything to earn it.

My mistake was turning to online dating for romance and some feeling of that special closeness with someone, at the young age of 18, no less, and jumping into it with no precautions whatsoever. Online dating with very little experience dating anyone when I was 18 years old was one of my biggest mistakes.

Now, don’t get me wrong, sometimes this works great for people and if you’re smart about it, know what you’re doing, and can make it work, more power to you. I, however, was and still can occasionally be a naive, overly trusting person. I learned the hard that online dating was something to be taken seriously after being used by a couple of guys, one of which led me on to think we were going to make it official before ending it hours later telling me that someone he’d been after for a long time was “finally beginning to show interest.”

However, I did meet a friend of mine from it. To paraphrase a joke made in the "George Lopez" TV series about something good in the character of George’s childhood experiences, my one friendship made from this is the tiny diamond in the giant pile of crap that was my experiences with online dating thus far.

Nowadays, I’m using those apps again, I won’t lie. I got back into it recently, but now I’m being extra cautious with it and have actually had to turn down multiple people, including, infuriatingly enough, the boy I mentioned from the first paragraphs of this article. I’ve turned them down for various reasons: the age gap is too wide for my comfort, they were being too affectionate too fast—opening with lines like “Hey sweetie!” “Hello, gorgeous! You’re the most beautiful girl on this whole website, I swear…” Hi darling!”, sometimes I just didn’t feel attracted to them, etc. And I think it’s important that everyone knows that they always have every right to say “no” in these sorts of situations. If you’re uncomfortable, regardless of the reason, don’t hesitate to politely decline, or, in some cases, maybe even harshly decline, depending on how you were treated.

Please know, if you get nothing else from this article, at least remember these two things:

1. You deserve so much better than someone who uses you.

You deserve better than abuse, be it verbal, emotional, physical or sexual. Don’t be afraid to have high standards. If they actually love or even like you, they’ll respect you. They may not respect everything you do, or stand for, but they’ll respect you as a whole and they’ll respect your boundaries.

2. A real adult will recognize and respect your wishes and if you’re truly grown, you’ll do the same for them.

Yes, this is a two-way street, folks. If you deserve them at all, you’ll respect this person by your side and you will not cross that line. Real adults know what consent is, and know to ask for it. I can only fervently hope that those who don’t will soon grow to understand this later on. If you’re not mature enough to both understanding the basics of consent, and use it, then you’re not ready for any sort of relationship.

And of course, if the person that you’re interested in doesn’t respect you enough to stop when you’re not into it or especially if you flat out say, “No,” get out of there. Get out. Please. I beg of you. Get out of that room, get out of that building, and get the frickity frack out of that person’s life and never turn back. I cannot emphasize enough that you deserve so much better.