I Don't Drink So I Must Have A Drinking Problem

I Don't Drink So I Must Have A Drinking Problem

Drinking is a watered-down experience.

Drinking is such a habitual and national pastime, it should be its own sport. Wait, that's right, it's called beer pong. Any sport that doesn't expect you to keep score and lets you win anyway must sound like fun.

Then again, that cocktail napkin Jenny smudged her phone number on doesn't make a lick of sense. Maybe it doesn't make sense because it's not suppose to make sense. Sense lost is sense earned when your plastered. You experience every emotion and the ultimate euphoria, or so I'm told.

Drinking to get drunk is pointless and those who find a point in it are not dealing with real problems. Problems don't go away after you wake up, so the number of excuses to get drunk grow less and less with each drink. Have you ever had a "good-tasting" beer? Beer is naturally bitter and that's not just irony, it's reality.

I've never been drunk and the most beer I had was a few sips of an Anchor Beer. After the third sip when I couldn't feel my lips or stand the taste anymore, I decided I wasn't going to voluntarily paralyze my motor skills or drink until I started to enjoy the taste. Those who have or claim to have been drunk are always keen on getting drunk again, like it was a dream they didn't want to wake up from.

A roommate who drinks once asked me why I don't drink. I get drunk on the irony of this question as I think of the reasons he finds for drinking are the same reasons I find for not drinking. I wanted to ask if he was sure he wanted to be sober right now but I tell him it's not for me. Wrong answer.

He rephrases the question to a single why. I tell him I don't like the sensation of having no sensation in my face. But why? It's clear to me he doesn't like being sober or sober people except when it's convenient for him. I don't overthink him or this conversation; I know all he's thinking about is drinking about.

Somehow I ruin the fun he can have that I can have without a bottle of Dos Equis in my hand. All of a sudden, Saint Patrick must have been made of 70% Guinness and the Mexicans shouldn't have all the fun on Cinco de Mayo.

Drinking shouldn't be an excuse but if it's not the taste or the double vision, what reason is there to swallow that liquid courage? Besides the loss of inhibitions and stress, I can't bring myself to drink something that can lead to the things I wanted to avoid in the first place.

I'm not saying alcohol is poison (even though it is after a certain amount) and I'm not saying it's an Arthurian elixir either. Through my sober goggles, I see a drinking culture that makes drinking a watered-down experience.

When I see almost everyone drinking, I don't feel left out or like the outsider. I don't need a prop in my hand to entertain myself or the person next to me; no drink will make me a better conversationalist anyway. If I'm thirsty, I'll humor you with a glass of Canada Dry and tell you it's champagne.

I've witnessed enough drunken mishaps and heard stories that I don't wish to see or have to hear again. The idea of "please drink responsibly" quickly became "don't drink at all" not just out of fear, but safety.

My liver is my liver and my brain is my brain. I can't be the designated driver for your vital organs. I don't have a drinking problem or a problem with drinking, what drinks can do to you is what I take issue with.

Drinking is a lifestyle choice that's either half full or half empty. Even The Most Interesting Man in the World has to mull this one over. In the meantime, I think I'll have a drink. Make mine a mocktail.

Cover Image Credit: Seth Weisfeld

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8 Reasons Girls Who Love Tequila Are Better

Because if she can handle tequila, she can handle you too.

There are all kinds of alcohol stereotypes out there but the one associated with tequila is probably the worst: tequila makes you crazy. But if there's one thing we can all agree on, it's that women who drink tequila are one-of-a-kind.

Whether it's loving or fighting, you'll never find anyone who does it better than a girl who just straight up loves tequila, and here are a few reasons why that is.

1. She's independent

A girl who drinks tequila is probably the same girl who has absolutely no problem telling it like it is. She knows what she wants and goes after it.

2. She doesn't care what you or anyone else thinks

Oh, you have a problem with me taking shots and having a good time? Well, get over it! Bartender, a shot with salt and a lime please!

3. Always dancing

Tequila is an 'upper' so instead of sitting at the bar doing nothing, let's dance! Let's get moving!

4. There is never a dull moment

Speaking of dancing, a girl who drinks tequila is always down for a good time. Whether it's going on an adventure or seeing who can take the most shots, a tequila girl is always down to party.

5. While everyone else is starting to get sleepy, she has all the energy

Like I said, tequila is an 'upper' so while the other girls at the bar are starting to feel groggy and sad, she's all over the place having fun and partying on the dancefloor.

6. She's stronger than the girl crying over a vodka cranberry at the bar.

Sad over a breakup? Don't go for the vodka... Tequila will make you feel better in no time! Plus you can challenge the hot guys at the bar to a shot taking contest.

7. Tequila is healthy for you

Tequila is a probiotic, so some tequila a day keeps the doctor away. Yay for shots!

8. She can hold her own when it comes to alcohol

Any girl who can shoot some shots at the bar all day and night can handle alcohol, which means she can handle herself too. You won't have to deal with her constant breakdowns and mood swings because she will be too busy ordering more shots.

Cover Image Credit: Whiskey Riff

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10 Summer Vibes You Need To Bump To In The Car

The type of songs that will make you wish summer never had to end.


There is truly nothing worse than being handed the AUX cord and not knowing what to do with it. In that moment, the spotlight is on you. You, the chosen one, has the opportunity to completely amp up the mood and get people in their feels.

For me, this is the moment in which I thrive the most and I am going to make sure that anyone that reads this article does to.

Now without further ado, here are 10 songs that will for sure boost your summer music cred.

1.  "Truth Hurts" by Lizzo 

If you haven't heard this one yet, I am sorry. This up and coming artist paved her way in the music world by introducing one of the most catchy girl anthems I have heard in a while. If you ever need a little reminder that you're a bad b*tch, listen to this song. The catchy beat and independent lyrics won't let you down.

2. "The London (feat. J Cole & Travis Scott)" by Young Thug 

If you want a song that pleases absolutely everyone, this is your go-to. Three of the biggest names of rap music in one song- it does not get much better. With a vibey beat and catchy chorus, you will be singing this song in no time.

3. "I Don't Care" by Ed Sheeran & Justin Bieber 

I'll tell you what, I do care about this song. After quite some time without music from Bieber or Sheeran, they have come back to bless us once again. Please don't go ghost on us again boys, we missed you.

4. "You Little Beauty" by Fisher 

Now this one is for my house people. Whether you like him for his insane personality or the electric beats he produces, Fisher is one of a kind. With his new single "You Little Beauty," you will be bopping your head and waving your hands the entire time.

5. "Electric Feel" by MGMT

An oldie, but a goodie. I don't know about you, but this song makes me wanna drive down the coast with my windows down, blasting the music. You can't beat alternative songs in the summer and this one is at the top of my playlist.

6. "GRoCERIES" by Chance the Rapper 

Chance. Is. Back. That's all I need to say.

7. "Whatever You Need" by Meek Mill and Nicki Minaj

Who doesn't love a good throwback to get them amped? You can't forget the Nicki/Meek era for many reasons, but one of the main ones being the unreal collaborations we got out of it. "Whatever You Need" will always be one to remember, so don't forget to keep it in your mind this summer.

8. "Jungle" by Tash Sultana

If you love the sound of guitar, this is the song for you. Being over five minutes, this song shows the musical talent within Tash Sultana. With guitar solos sprinkled so effortless throughout and the uniqueness of her voice, you are able to teleport into a musical phenomenon with this song.

9. "Baila Baila Baila (Remix)" by Ozuna, Daddy Yankee, & J Balvin

The song literally means "Dance Dance Dance," which automatically means it's going to be a crowd pleaser. And, come on, it's summer, you can't not listen to a little Spanish music.

10. "Undrunk" by Fletcher 

Representing an artist from my very own hometown, this one is constantly blasting in my car. Fletcher is the new artist to look out for, and she's making her way up the charts quickly with this banger. It is the perfect song to belt out after a night of bad decisions and calls to your ex.

I have now blessed you all with 10 songs that will make even the biggest of music snobs get in the mood. Use them wisely.

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