In your teens, it seems like it is the most important thing in the world to have a boyfriend. Having someone send you texts about how pretty they believe you are, bringing you flowers, holding your hand, you feel like you're on top of the world, no matter who the boy is. Girls love attention, it does not matter who the girl is or what the circumstances are, the sad truth is most girls nowadays are very insecure that they will take any attention they can get, no matter how awful the boy is. I was born into a family where the men love fiercely, not because they were taught to treat women with respect, but because they know to treat women with respect. Men love fiercely when they are in love with a woman, and because of the family I was born into, full of amazing husbands and dads, I have the highest standards for men. People tell me I'm being "too picky,” I call it "refusing to settle.”
Not all men are bad, believe me there are some great ones out there, but there are too many pathetic ones who seem to give the species a bad name. Abuse is that bad name. Emotional and physical abuse is all too real. This is my story, but before I tell it, I need to remind you that they do not change.
I was on and off with this boy for three years. We began dating in high school, sophomore year, and it was a dream, like I was floating on a cloud every day. He was my neighbor and had been my best friend since the fifth grade. I really thought he was a blessing. We took our relationship into our first year of college and that was the biggest mistake of my life. He had never been abusive until he started with the alcohol. One night at his school, he had thrown up three times already. I tried to be a good girlfriend and help him, I attempted to take the bottle from him. Big mistake apparently. He looked at me and without a second thought he punched me right in the face. I had a bruise for 9 days on my left cheek, makeup just barely covered it. And yet I still stayed. Fast forward three months later of constant fighting, I was again at his school (he never came to me, why on earth should he ever do something unless it’s for himself) and we were driving on the highway arguing and I clearly made a statement he didn't like, I knew I had to always be careful what I said around him (P.S. you should not have to worry about that, it’s a sign of emotional abuse), and as soon as I made the comment, he lost it. He yanked the steering wheel so hard that we spun out of control to the other side of the highway and banged right into the guard rail. The car was smoking, people were staring, tears were rolling. But still I stayed. Eventually, a couple of days later we ended for about five months. Then summer began. We were home together, we were neighbors and we wanted to try again. My friends, family, anyone who cared about me hated him and did not want me with him, but one day I decided to see him. He had not changed. Again we began arguing and he tried to walk away. Looking back now I wish I could just scream in my own face let him go. But I didn’t. I blocked him, and he grabbed my wrists. I went into self-defense mode but then I remembered who he was, I knew how to beat him, but I missed on purpose and just hit his stomach. He clearly did not like not being able to overpower me. The next thing I know, his hand was around my neck as he squeezed and pinned me up against a wall. When he finally let go he looked at me as I cried and said: “don’t be so dramatic, you didn’t even pass out.”
I promise you, nothing can justify abuse. And nothing can make them change. It is important for you to walk away at the first sign of abuse. I know it seems that having a boyfriend is the most important thing in the world right now but I promise it is not. Getting your life together, getting your degree, getting your job in line is what is important right now. As soon as you make yourself the best self you can be, the boys will follow. “A flower does not dream of the bee, it blossoms and the bees come.”
Please take my story and not let it be yours, I feared that one day that boy might actually kill me and I ran as far and as fast as I could. It took all my strength because I loved him a lot, but my happiness and safety are more important than anything, and so is yours.
