I always knew about my Aunt Anxiety, I heard stories from my parents, but my Uncle Depression was uncharted territory that, unfortunately, came as a package deal. I never understood why my parents had so much resentment towards them, but I knew they were bad news. It was like having distant family members that you don't often see but when they're in town, they stay with you and overstay their welcome.

When they're in town, it's almost like getting drilled with questions at Thanksgiving dinner. Your aunt tells you to overanalyze and worry about everything. The things she tells you leaves you up at night, leaving you restless and exhausted. With everything she tells you, all you want to do is sleep the day away so you don't hear her badgering. With your mind so consumed by these thoughts, you can't leave your bed most days anyways.

And because they're a package deal, good ole Uncle Depression makes his presence known. He tells you that you're too fat and you shouldn't eat anymore. The next minute you're too skinny and you pig out. You're either too much or not enough. It's a mental game of tug of war.

So now you either eat too much or too little and you either sleep too much or you're an insomniac. Since your family's in town, you can't get out with your friends.

You see, I met these family members when I was seventeen, a senior in high school. They came into town for the first time when I was weeks into my senior year. I should've been counting down the days to prom and graduation, screaming at football games, and enjoying my final year as a high school student. Instead, I was battling the war inside my head. I stopped eating, I slept the day away so I stopped going to school and ultimately finished my classes online so I could walk with my class in May. Everyone was deciding where to go to college and I was just trying to make it another day.

The thing people fail to understand about mental illness is that it's not a matter of snapping out of it. No one criticizes you for having a fever or a cold but if you're depressed, you need to get over it and it's in your head. I had administration from my school tell me I was making it up and treated me like a delinquent. She told me everyone gets anxious and that I wasn't being "trendy" by saying I had anxiety. I blamed myself because she made me feel like this was my choice.

That's what's funny about all of this. I didn't choose to feel like a burden to my loved ones. I didn't choose to feel like I was dying whenever I stepped foot out of my room. I didn't choose to miss out on what should have been my favorite year of formal education. I didn't choose this life for myself but it's the cards I was dealt. Even though community college is a fraction of the typical cost of a university, I would have given anything to go away to school.

Mental illness is a war with your own mind, an invisible monster that follows you everywhere. What many people fail to realize is that anxiety and depression are just as physical are they as mental. And my love goes out to every person who was dealt this hand in life. It's really hard to understand this pain until you go through it.

Even though my struggles made me angry, cold, and distant, I have a kinder, more compassionate heart now that I've spent almost 3 years with my Aunt and Uncle. There's a lot that can be learned through pain. Speak up, check on your loved ones, help them feel less alone and less different, and just be kinder. Love the broken ones.