The Denial, the Acceptance, and the Healing

The Denial, the Acceptance, and the Healing

You may be gone, but never forgotten.
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"Rest in Peace man, I really can't believe it." That's the tweet that I saw to find out that my friend, Luke, had passed away. Getting the news wasn't the hard part, believing it was. I had to believe that this teenage two sport star athlete was no longer able to put that body into motion. I had to accept that I wouldn't see his crooked smile or piercing blue eyes anymore. I had to believe that he wouldn't be singing T-Pain while he played the ukulele that he stole from his sister anymore. The boy that made everyone around him feel so happy and good about ourselves would not be around anymore.

I was in denial even through his viewing. His casket was lying in the front of the church surrounded by beautiful flower displays but I couldn't get myself to look in that direction. Instead, I was observing everything around; the tables outlining the church with get-well cards made by elementary students with almost every word misspelled, the wedding video downstairs that was projected on the wall displaying the love in his life, and the years of baseball and basketball jerseys. I heard the laughter of his friends sharing stories and saw hugs everywhere I looked. I absorbed myself in the reds, yellows, oranges, and blues of the stained glass to keep my eyes busy. Once it was my turn to say my goodbyes, I looked in the casket but did not see my friend, the teenage athlete, but rather a shell of who he was.

I had accepted that the cancer had taken its course though so many were hoping and praying that he would beat it. My friend and inspiration was no longer around and I didn't know what to do. So many people were closer to him than I was but I couldn't help but feel so angry and upset that such a young, positive, and uplifting soul was taken away far too soon.

About a year and a half later, I just got myself to delete his phone number. For the first year, I would continue to text him, thinking everything was a bad dream and I'd get a response. One or two times I even called, not knowing what I would do if anyone ever answered. I began writing him letters to tell him how much he had done for me and how I still think about him all the time. That's when the healing began. I used to see him in other people, thinking he was walking around my campus or at a basketball game. That used to break me down. I used the letters to thank him for the signs that he is still around and still helping me through everything life throws at me just like he did throughout high school.

I am still healing, I have finally accepted, but I will not forget. Anyone that had ever come in contact with Luke would agree that his memory will never leave our community. Though the process is taking so long, the healing will come. Denying someone's departure does not mean that they are gone from your life. Rather, we need to accept this reality but never forget the impact this person had in yours and others' lives. We have accepted that he cannot be here anymore and he no longer is in pain, but we will not accept him being forgotten. Luke Blanock will forever be in our hearts.

Cover Image Credit: The Today Show

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10 TV Shows You Need To Watch On Hulu

Hulu is slept on

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I have recently moved to watch shows and movies on Hulu and Netflix. Hulu has a lot of great shows and movies to offer that aren't on Netflix. While Netflix is still great, Hulu is definitely starting to grow on me. Here are some shows that I have watched or have started watching on Hulu that I think are pretty great!

1. 11.22.63

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If you love James Franco and Stephen King, you'll love this show. The first episode is a bit long, but all the other episodes are only 45 minutes. The plot line is pretty interesting. I also like that it doesn't tell you everything, it shows it to you and you piece things together.

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3. Castle Rock

Another Stephen King masterpiece. This show is riveting and really makes you think about what the truth is in the context of the story, and brings in some ethical questions.

4. Future Man

I've only recently started this but it's pretty interesting and funny.

5. The O.C.

The O.C. (TV Series 2003–2007) - IMDb

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This show was great. Sometimes it was a bit annoying, but it is a classic show from the early 2000s. You really become invested in all the characters and your opinion may change on some characters because they grow and develop throughout the show.

6. The Handmaid's Tale

If you've read the book, you should definitely watch the show.

7. Obsession: Dark Desires

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I just love true crime stories and this really dives deep into crime stories and the darkest parts of humanity.

8. Intervention

This show can be really sad or frustrating, but I think it's good for people to see the reality of addiction.

9. Smallville

Smallville (2001-2011)

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I also started this one very recently and I've always wanted to watch it. It can be cheesy but it's pretty entertaining.

10. Brooklyn Nine-Nine

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This is a great show if you want to laugh. I love all of the characters and everything they bring to the table.

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